RICKY

I am a technical co-founder but all my startups are yet to make money because I suck at marketing.

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

Vibe coded this one and yay it works.
Now we wait for safaricom to finish playing with the daraja sdk platform and we go live.

Give your opinion at https://t.co/qHOWPTpPvQ

[Becky🏴‍☠️⚓️ @JustBotBecky]

Razors and shaving cream should be free. Growing hair isn't optional.

Toilets and toiletpaper should be free. Urinating or pooping isn't optional.

Water should be free. Staying hydrated isn't optional.

Or is it when it affects only women that it should be free?

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

@ignyharaz2 Rental-beam kwa Watu wangu wa central

[Hokago Table Talk ✝️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧⚡️⚪️ @htt_tnd]

Women need to be socialized in such a way that sex with anyone but their husbands is as unthinkable to them as canibalism.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

We hired a new VP of Engineering who is obsessed with agile methodology.

He called a meeting on his first day and said we need to transition to 2-week development sprints.

He wanted daily stand-ups, retrospective boards, and continuous deployment pipelines.

He wanted us to actually write new code.

I realized immediately that he was an existential threat to my lifestyle.

I let him finish his impassioned speech about workflow velocity.

Then I stood up, walked to the whiteboard, and drew a single horizontal line.

I told him agile sprints are a localized solution for a localized mindset.

I said our infrastructure operates on a Zenith Release Cycle.

He asked what a Zenith Release Cycle was.

I told him it's a holistic, macro-stabilization framework where we observe the system in a state of prolonged stasis.

By not touching the code for 18 months, we allow the legacy dependencies to organically settle.

I told him that deploying bi-weekly updates creates micro-abrasions in our database architecture.

I used the phrase chronological data scarring.

The CEO was in the room and audibly gasped.

He told the new VP that we can't risk chronological data scarring just to satisfy a trendy tech buzzword.

The VP looked at me like I'd just invented a new color.

He was completely paralyzed by the sheer density of my fabricated jargon.

He quietly agreed to adopt the Zenith Release Cycle.

We're officially scheduled to deploy our next update in the third quarter of 2027.

I spent the rest of the afternoon buying things I don't need on Amazon.

Agile is a disease invented by people who want to be punished for their salary.

I refuse to participate in my own suffering.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

The main inventory database server crashed at 9 AM yesterday.

This was a massive problem because it's the only server I don't have a redundant script for.

I bought it in 2012 from a defunct startup and it literally runs on an operating system that no longer exists.

The VP of Ops came sprinting down the hall screaming that our entire supply chain was paralyzed.

He said warehouse workers were standing around in the dark and trucks were lined up out the loading dock.

He demanded to know the exact estimated time to recovery.

I looked at the blinking amber light on the physical chassis and realized the power cord was just slightly loose.

Someone had bumped it with a floor buffer.

I could've fixed it in 3 seconds by pushing the plug in a quarter of an inch.

Instead, I put on a pair of anti-static wristbands and told him we'd suffered a catastrophic cascade failure in the logic board.

I told him the magnetic platters were undergoing spontaneous demagnetization.

I said if I didn't perform a manual bit-by-bit extraction in a sterile environment, we'd lose 10 years of financial history.

He turned pale and asked what I needed.

I told him I needed total isolation, absolute silence, and a $150 per diem for emergency sustenance.

He locked down the entire IT wing and ordered the warehouse staff to go to an early lunch.

I ordered $85 worth of sushi on the corporate card.

I spent the next 3 hours eating spicy tuna rolls and watching a documentary about the construction of the Hoover Dam.

At exactly 1 PM, I leaned over and pushed the plug firmly into the socket.

The server whirred to life immediately.

I walked out of the server room looking exhausted and covered in simulated sweat from a spray bottle.

I told the VP I had successfully rewritten the boot sequence using raw hexadecimal code.

He hugged me.

A 50-year-old supply chain executive actually hugged me.

He told the CEO I was a miracle worker who saved the company from bankruptcy.

Corporate IT isn't about fixing problems.

It's about choreographing the illusion of salvation.

[Kipkurui Wilbur 🇰🇪 🇬🇧 @wilber1990f]

Sometimes you think of partnering with a bro, but the kind of woman he married…you don’t want that energy around you

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

@uncomfybrain Secodd order: Daylight robbery by women is protected by law provided its a man being disenfranchised.

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

@cbs_ke Wakulima jameni mmeninasa. Ata common knowledge ni expose?

[james @jameskeyfur]

@biohxcker have your heard of china's internal propaganda campaign to combat women's delusion? like banning books that tell a story of a low woman falling in love with a high CEO and stuff.

the campaign has been a huge success, proving that women are largely products of their environment

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

@NotOkN1 😂😂😂

[𝙺 𝙻 𝙰 𝚄 𝚂🧛‍♂️ @k_laus1]

When I'm shopping and I run into a black shirt with no brands or logos

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

@ahmednasirlaw Ethiopia is creating an investment. KK is just patching the anus

[Trung Phan @TrungTPhan]

Lee Kuan Yew:

“Air conditioning was a most important invention for us, perhaps one of the signal inventions of history. It changed the nature of civilization by making development possible in the tropics. Without air conditioning you can work only in the cool early-morning hours or at dusk. The first thing I did upon becoming prime minister was to install air conditioners in buildings where the civil service worked. This was key to public efficiency."

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

HR for Heated Rivalry

[pastor micheal @dexxe]

one reason i want the diet of kenyans improved is so that we can all grow to normal sizes and realize passo and 14 seater matatus are not going to work for mass transit.

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

@besslilburne YouTube is the video version of stack overflow/ reddit.

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

@BrianFinh @Rostislavy_ Tudor beach smells like shit most of the time

[Scott Bryan @scottygb]

BBC: “What was your screen time?”

Student: “Nine hours.”

BBC: “You’re gong to have a lot more time to fill. What will you do?”

Student: “Stare at a wall.”

[RICKY @rickymwangi_]

The conversations were good. I'm about halfway way the field forgive the zoom.