Heather Rae Ackerman

Writer. I like to call people dollface. Certified Notary Public. She/her.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

One day you're young and vibrant, the next you're eating dinner early because at 7 pm you're joining a Zoom with the local library about an early 19th century British female paleontologist.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

I have a pedicure scheduled in the morning. The countdown is officially on for me to tear my big toenail in some irreparable fashion.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

@gothmess I'm sat

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

Spent the entire 1990s fighting with my parents over finishing my green beans. Meanwhile, I just watched my mother pick every single pea out of the lunch I made her.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

@BenBrindise Thank God, I was concerned

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

@gothmess We have all done this. Anyone that hasn't done this is a liar.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

@gothmess You need somebody that played a lot of The Sims.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

@BenBrindise Just tell them " I am in this world, not of it", like an old school evangelist.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

3 PM and I'm pushing away my keyboard like a plate when I'm done with dinner.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

Just knowing I'm going to have to explain Mr. Beast to my mother... I'm already tired. #Survivor50

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

PLEASE stop asking me about Christmas plans. I have Big City job! I wear stilettos! I have a proposal due on December 25th! The only breaks I’ll be taking are for coffee. Maybe at the new St. Nick’s Sweets & Sips that just opened…I hope it isn’t run by a hunk who loves Christmas

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

That moment of surrender when you realize you're going to have to get out of your car and scrape the ice off the windshield, because the heater isn't enough.

[Fallon @filthtofilth]

In addition to being gentle and caring i am very neurotic and high strung. This is endearing to the right person i'm sure

[Dr Ally Louks @DrAllyLouks]

Zohran Mamdani saying in his victory speech “While you campaign in poetry, you govern in prose. If that must be true, let the prose we write still rhyme” and the crowd letting out a muted, slightly baffled cheer is so funny. It spoke to me, at least.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

My mom:
"I'm getting better at spotting this fake AI stuff. I saw one that said Taylor Swift wrote a song about Travis Kelce's penis."

Me:

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

Me listening to #TSTheLifeOfAShowgirl

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

@BenBrindise You contain multitudes!

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

Watching the DoorDash guy circle my house like a fly that can't get out of an open window.

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

Taylor is only doing this because she knows I'm at a critical stage with my book. Not TONIGHT, woman, I'm almost done with this DRAFT! #TS12

[Heather Rae Ackerman @riffyroo]

@gothmess You'll love it.