Riley Lassin

Comedian. Actor. NYC

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

Going on a date with a chef and I am dreading telling him I am gluten free.

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

@AndreDThompson Everytime 😔

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

A guy I hooked with recently asked if I was faking my snort when I laughed, it’s funny THAT is what he thought I was faking.

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

A guy I hooked with recently asked if I was faking my snort when I laughed, it’s funny THAT is what he thought I was faking.

[Andre D Thompson @AndreDThompson]

A comedy show where dialogue is encouraged
Pull up to @bklyncomedyclub Dec 19th 8pm

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

I know we are fasting today but never have I been thirsty enough to send a booty call on Yom Kippur #Jewish #single

[Atlantic City Comedy @ACComedyClub]

See Riley Lassin @rileylassin on Saturday September 9th at 8:30PM at The Atlantic City Showcase ft. Jerry Torres, Ibrahim Khalif and Rus Gutin @RUSGUTIN at Atlantic City Comedy Club inside @ClaridgeAC!

GET TICKETS 🎟️⬇️
https://t.co/WnjWujPyGx

[Tyler Mead @tylerhmead]

Sunday 9:00PM @TheStandNYC Upstairs (Indoors) @sarahhartshorne @Meadbymead @NapoleonEmill @kendall_farrell @GlorelysMora @rileylassin @IamJustinSilver https://t.co/I8Vg8WMxre

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

What a weekend for the Jews! Not only did we create the Bomb but we also created Barbie. There are a lot of things people call Jews but you have to admit, we have range.

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

I’ll be at @ACComedyClub on Friday!!! June 30 at 830 pm. This is goin to be 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 promo code RILEY

https://t.co/J317GQIFDL

[Qasim Rashid, Esq. @QasimRashid]

GOP: We are pro-life!

So—free pre-natal care?

GOP: No

Extend child tax credit?

GOP: No

Paid family leave?

GOP: No

Universal pre-K?

GOP: No
Universal healthcare?

GOP: No

Gun reform?

GOP: No

How are you pro-life?🤔

GOP: Ban repro health access & increase women’s death

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

PCOS doctor: I am sorry your hair is thinning so badly, at least you have a nice face.

I know what to put on my tinder bio now

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

@Neko_white93 Killer whales just jumped up top

[patrick "inverted vibe curve" blanchfield @PatBlanchfield]

damn lisa frank went hard

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

Damn. Beautiful weddings makes me wanna get married right now

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

In the winter you want a cuffing buddy but what is it called if you want someone during a “it’s toxic air outside so now I am bored inside and want someone to cuddle with”

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

@nyeahhhsays Me rn

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

Me rn in nyc

[Riley Lassin @rileylassin]

@electra_teles Electra this actually freaked me out lol

[eat soup @jasminericegirl]

"are u ok" NO my stomach hurts whenever i eat things that i like to eat