Lindsay Gorham

Mom of three under three and a waitress of 17 years. This is were I will vent my daily trials since Facebook needs to think I have my shit together.

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

@jamiefox1 @verizon commercial was better than any of the performances on the @vmas #britneylippedsynched #sodidrihanna

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

Husband: Ellora stop kicking dirt everywhere Ellora: daddy just don't look down #ParentingWin #goodcallkid

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

Do the deli people at #Walmart have a maximum speed of a fucking tortoise #canihavethat15minutesback

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

@mikemcshane4 but is she in a blue dress?

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

Why would I waste money on play dough when my kids can play with mommys belly jiggle? #mombiesunite

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

@Target can you ask your employees that if they wish to represent your company and dine out in uniform that they tip? thank you #ihavebills

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

Honey chipotle shrimp and sirloin, that's just sirloin no shrimp right? #shitmytablessay #serverproblems

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

My children found a bag of feminine hygiene products which are now shredded all over my house #mombiesunite

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

But why is my Arnold Palmer brown? #server problems

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

Today is day 17 of my 17 day diet. Gained 4oz. Wtf #illneverbeskinny #pizzatastesbetter #ughfml

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

#momscantpoopalone

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

3yrold got into some Claritin and tums before 8am quick call to poison intros to find out if she's gonna pass out or run up walls-the latter

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

I can't stand all these mom groups You all just encourage each other's fucking batshit crazyness #momgroupssuck

[Lindsay Gorham @ringmastagorham]

wiping my sons butt I noticed a crumb in my mouth hoping it wasn't a piece of his poop I licked it onto my shoulder into my other sons snot