davie

i’m so scared

[davie @ripmeasap]

DC and all MDVA slang is wild. You guys have two words that mean the same two DIFFERENT things. GLIZZY and GLICK can BOTH refer to either a hot dog OR a Glock semi-automatic handgun.

Imagine getting confused and bringing the wrong one to the function. Either way it’s over.

[davie @ripmeasap]

“when will my wife shut THE FUCK UP.” - my girl friend

[davie @ripmeasap]

https://t.co/3KnxTjDA2d

[davie @ripmeasap]

i am not trying to get a beer with a guy who calls his own mom “mother”.

[davie @ripmeasap]

nothing gets me more excited when my whitest friend says “you know…i’ve had a couple…so i’m just gonna say it.”

[davie @ripmeasap]

gf has male siri voice even though female comes stock. nothing i have can please her.

[davie @ripmeasap]

my girlfriend just told me that skincare is a hobby. there’s no way i can accept that.

[davie @ripmeasap]

“i fear not the man who has seen ten thousand hogs. but i fear the man who has seen one hog ten thousand times.”

[davie @ripmeasap]

“red wine is sleepy time tonic for the kid…i could be in the reeds of Khe Sanh with fortunate son blasting overhead. if someone hands me a glass of pinot noir my gun might as well have the safety on because it ain’t goin off anytime soon.”

[davie @ripmeasap]

Saying “it’s been real”
to your wife and child is probably the most undefeated comeback to “i wish you could spend more time with us at home.”

[davie @ripmeasap]

enough with the mental health awareness alright?!!? there are only two “complexes” that i acknowledge:
1-God
2-Military Industrial

USfuckinA #1 BABY!!!!

[davie @ripmeasap]

i’m thinking about legally changing my name to Yung Bento Box. Lmk what you think.

[davie @ripmeasap]

life begins at erection - Brian

[davie @ripmeasap]

there are no big problems. only small people.

[davie @ripmeasap]

alright, can we just exhume all the corpses in NYC from every graveyard and just shoot them into space? cemeteries be taking up whole borough sized plots of land while i pay 2k for a rent controlled soup can with roaches.

[davie @ripmeasap]

bro no one cares. you gotta grow it to show it.

[davie @ripmeasap]

@SsbmGinger i’m recovering from this now. had to get surgery on mine. heads up, it’s way more of an intense recovery than people tell you. hopefully you don’t need surgery, but get your pain.

[davie @ripmeasap]

guy in front of me just said “yea I got an egg and uh cheese and bacon uhhh on a bagel.”

what the fuck is that about. homeboy should have his passport on him at all times before ICE deports his ass to Milwaukee. It’s a baconeggandcheese my son.

[davie @ripmeasap]

@charspop28 @BWalkerNFL this is actually the best name i’ve heard so far and i don’t think it can be topped

[davie @ripmeasap]

people who stand on single width escalators should be launched into the sun.

i should also be legally allowed to grab someone by the collar and throw them back down the mta stairs if they stop at the top to check their phone.

@MTA @nycgov @ericadamsfornyc