I go by Ríon

She/Her/My Love
When I say dog person I don't mean person who likes dogs. I mean dog trapped in a human body. I also write sometimes.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

No one prepared me for the weird feeling you get when your partner says "I got this, you sleep in babe", and at first you're like aaahhh I haven't seen or heard the baby since bedtime last night but then you're like AAAHHHH I HAVEN'T SEEN OR HEARD THE BABY SINCE BEDTIME LAS--

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Baby drool down the cleavage is an absolutely REPULSIVE sensation. I'd like to cancel my meatsack subscription immediately and receive a refund.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Unpopular opinion: babies are why people don't like the word "moist".

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Babygirl ended up wearing roughly half her breakfast so if someone could hit the reload button on my latest save to reset that'd be awesome plz & thx.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

1) boppys should come with seat belts so you can 2) set your kid up in said boppy on your queen sized bed while you poop with marginally less worry your 4mo-old is gonna pick THIS EXACT INSTANT to master rolling over.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

The Cows: "come get the wam milk!"

The humans the next day: "what the fuck you should have way more milk than this?" *Financial panic*

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Watching classic Disney with The Little means realizing that the same actress who played Nanny in 101 Dalmatians also voiced Mad Madam Mim in Sword & the Stone. Also Peggy Lee is a legend.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

I'm just gonna say it, the Talking Animal movies are better than the Princess Movies.

Even if I do wonder sometimes what the humans thought in the wake of this absolute chaos.

[garden experiencebot @gardenexperienc]

You are a raccoon. A breeze brushes your face. You ponder a large flower just beginning to bloom. The sky is dark. It might thunder. You are glad you have an umbrella..

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Watching the animated Robin Hood with the baby (meaning I am watching while she is napping) and for all that it's satire, Prince John is exactly how I picture Elon Musk.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Maybe it's just new mom sunshine but honestly this baby is fun to hang out with

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

@_FatTwink Future's so bright you gotta shade your third eye 💖🌞🔥

Also your neighbors are wrong.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Netflix spells "Cas" wrong in the subtitles and that is a hill I will die on. #supernatural

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

How today's going: mac n cheese spilled, closest thing to hand to clean it up was the container of wipes, baby does not enjoy the cold wipe on her skin, more mac n cheese spills as she struggles to get away... I'm so hungry you guys 😭😭😭

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Parenthood is slowly coming to grips with the inevitability that your infant WILL cry as soon as you sit down to poop.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

Being a parent so far is like that moment during a babysitting gig when you start to kinda wonder when the parents are getting home, bc it's a school night and they're already an hour late. Except it's not just a moment, it's always, and the parents are you.

[I go by Ríon @riverspanks]

I just realized Christmas is next week?

Unrelated, if anyone wants to get Scott and me like....CLONES, that'd be amazing.