Robbie Goodtime

Author of BORN IN EAST L.A. CRITERION, A MODICUM OF DECORUM, SOME OF THE MOST RETARDED SHIT IMAGINABLE, and A GOLDEN AGE OF YOGA PANTS. And a good friend.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

Kids can be cruel. In high school they used to call me "President Bill Clinton" because girls were always giving me blowjobs.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

It was also wrong to denounce Trump supporters who take painkillers and parkourabouts who take painkillers and drum circlists who take painkillers and a God who told me that He also is sedated on painkillers. It was the painkillers and I didn’t know my mic was on. Thank you.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

I would like to publicly apologize for the insensitive comments I made. I promise—and my family will attest—that I never, ever would have said the things I said had I been aware that my mic was on. Or if I had been aware that the people I was insulting were bigger than me.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

And it was wrong of me to denounce God in a church as crowded as that one, particularly at that volume. Again, let’s all be reasonable and agree to blame the painkillers.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

@BBGreatMoments My aunt for her under-the-Yankee-Stadium-bleachers Mantle BJ. Legend.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

@TooMuchMortons_ @JimRussellSD I don’t understand why these animals insist on using foul language. I hope they know the man upstairs is listening!

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

@CFahrenthold11 Even more fitting now that he’s been popped twice himself

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

@theScore Respectfully, not for me. But it would be pretty tough for a halftime show to impress me unless they got like maybe the Muppets featuring cameos from Mike Watt, Chuck D, and Kathleen Hanna. Actually, this is a great idea. @NFL

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

I keep hearing about all these teenage boys having sex with their teachers and I just hope to God they’re not home schooled.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

Been rawdogging life for decades now (it’s a fun way of saying I don’t have a high school diploma)

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

And for my final hopelessly irrevocable blunder of 2025, I have applied for another credit card

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

A few years ago I took my acoustic to an open mic and performed a cover of “Brown Eyed Girl.” My blue-eyed girlfriend found out and was so upset that for the rest of our relationship I had to pretend to be colorblind.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

“Why do birds sing so gay?” —Frankie Lymon & the Homophobes

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

I was watching Back to the Future and realized that Jeff Tweedy’s biggest guitar influence is Marty McFly right before he says “I can’t play.”

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

This may be a bit “inside baseball,” but multiple layers of yarn tightly wound around rubber-covered cork.

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

@MLB He will be a Hall of Famer someday! Not in baseball, obviously, but in some other weird field that he gets into now that he’s retired like maybe fly fishing or checkers. MARK MY WORDS

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

@nbcsandiego 🤣🤣🤣

[Robbie Goodtime @robbiegoodtime]

Michael Jackson was a great trailblazing innovator who not only created the "moonwalk" and glitter glove but also hands in pockets this new way.