robbysmernoff

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

When the time comes, I will teach my kids to look for the following characteristics in a dating partner:
(1) loves Jesus.
(2) returns shopping carts to a designated return area.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

When the Bible is used to promote un-Biblical actions, it should infuriate Christians and cause everyone great concern. #StopSeparatingFamilies

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

The worst thing you can buy two toddlers is one of anything. #whycanttheyjustshare

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

@john_engelhard @united reached out and said they would gladly allow us to pick our seats...for $200 extra dollars.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

#yourenotaparentuntil your kid asks “what game do you want to play” and all your suggestions are games where you get to lay down.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

#yourenotaparentuntil you’ve yelled “I am never making mac & cheese ever again.”

[James Emery White @JamesEmeryWhite]

Very excited about our new series, "Finding Your Way to You: The Bible, the Enneagram, and Self-Understanding," starting this weekend at Meck. Spread the word! https://t.co/J4kPdxUO5T

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

#yourenotaparentuntil you’ve threatened to throw all your kids toys in the garbage if they don’t clean them up.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

Does anyone else get irritated when the person in front of you in line pays in cash? Just me?

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

8 times out of 10 I type “hanks” instead of “thanks.” It’s okay though because auto corrrect helps me out by changing it to “Hanks.”

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

When your wife asks you, “why do you want to eat quesadillas all the time?”

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

Don’t tell my daughter Jovie anyone besides Mary had a little lamb...she will cut you.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

Be on guard for opportunities disguised as pain. God can make good things come out of any situation.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

Someone gave me “hand-wash only” clothes for Christmas for my kids...probably because they hate me.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

I’ve reached the age where “I slept on it wrong” is a legitimate reason for injury.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

Biggest difference between a rookie mall Santa and a veteran mall Santa: veteran mall Santa wears a cup.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

@Progress_NC @CLTgov I love the picture of this “extreme” group peacefully walking.

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

You know your toddler is a picky eater when you have to offer a reward to eat mac-n-cheese & chicken nuggets. That meal’s a reward in itself

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

Countered a tantrum thrown by my kids with my own tantrum. It worked! They teamed up in efforts to stop me. Happens again I’m writing a book

[robbysmernoff @robbysmernoff]

...and the ones who deny this fact have the most on them.