bittartender

[bittartender @roberto6090]

@rbc since closing business wickets these lineups are a joke. Don't open a business account here!!!

[bittartender @roberto6090]

If I see you riding a hover board I'm sure there is a 90% chance your parent ride a rascal scooter

[bittartender @roberto6090]

"After the first half we were feeling a little deflated but we pumped ourselves up and got things going." -Tom Brady. #TomBrady #SuperBowl

[bittartender @roberto6090]

Hey @theCHIVE how about a "mind the gap" with Cubbie blue. Winning run was through the gap and my Reg one is getting worn out. Let me know!

[bittartender @roberto6090]

Has there ever been a porno made called Teenage Nudist Ninja Squirters. If not, there should be

[bittartender @roberto6090]

Toronto vs. Cleveland in a semi-final for the second time this year. This Cleveland team doesn't have Lebron though! #GoJays

[bittartender @roberto6090]

I'm getting the impression that @MLB doesn't like Canada. 2 afternoon games followed by game 3 up against NFL #ALDS

[bittartender @roberto6090]

Everything's bigger in Texas! Like that fucking loss! HUGE! #ALDS

[bittartender @roberto6090]

So, When your wife is angry with you "your ass looks phat in those jeans" sounds a lot like "your ass looks fat in those jeans" #marriedlife

[bittartender @roberto6090]

When I judge a book by its cover, I'm right 90% of the time. That's pretty good odds. Why would I stop?

[bittartender @roberto6090]

You're like a bottle of fine wine. If I take off your top, I'm probably going to finish you. #pickupline

[bittartender @roberto6090]

Sometimes I don't drink scotch for a while then I drink scotch and wonder why I havent drank for a while #Glenlivet

[bittartender @roberto6090]

Said "sorry about your wait" to 4 large ladies at a restaurant. Pretty sure they heard "sorry about your weight" #WhyDidISayThat

[bittartender @roberto6090]

It turns out those two cops weren't playing #Pokemon go. I miss heard them, they were trying to catch "Jamal."

[bittartender @roberto6090]

When trying to console a friend recently diagnosed with HIV, it is not advised to use the phrase "stay positive."

[bittartender @roberto6090]

My first meme

[bittartender @roberto6090]

@TSNBobMcKenzie how will Bettman make this up to Edmonton? Couple more first overall picks? #garybettmonton

[bittartender @roberto6090]

I have never been so excited to see a friend that I need to scream. What must that kind of excitement be like #woogirls

[bittartender @roberto6090]

#jeffbanister #texasrangers if you throw enough shit at a wall some is bound to stick