Robert Reyes

Owner of 3 Alto Clarinets; Dr. Pepper Drinker; Angels Fan; Poster of vintage and questionable Jello Recipes; Trekkie; Host of The @PromenadePod

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

And finally, the number-one selling doll this Christmas is "Tickle Me Elmo."

And the least popular selling doll?

You guessed it: Tickle Me Frank Stallone.

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

Getting breakfast

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

Doctor Jack Kevorkian was responsible for another death this week, this time a fifty-eight year old woman. She is the twenty-sixth of Kevorkian's patients to die since 1990.

(Norm shakes his head sadly, in disgust)

When are people going to realize? He is NOT a good doctor!

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

In San Francisco last week, a birthday party for one of the area's leading political figures - attended by the city's Mayor, Sheriff, and members of the board of supervisors - culminated with a performance in which a dominatrix used a razor blade to carve a satanic star into the back of her male partner, then urinated on him, before finally sodomizing the man with a liquor bottle.

After learning of the incident from press reports, San Franciscans expressed shock and outrage that the liquor bottle was not recycled.

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

And now, Weekend Update would like to wish a happy birthday to comic legend George Burns, who turned one hundred years old today.

(We get a long round of cheers and applause from the audience.)

You know, I don't know the secret to his longevity, but I think I speak for all of us when I say I hope Pauly Shore doesn't know it either.

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

Good morning everyone 🌞! I'm on my way to Rancho Palo Verde for Rehearsal for this America 250 Concert on June 13.

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

How did the Soviets beat us to the Moon with a mission control like that.
#StarCity #ForAllMankind

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

Well, filming has finally begun on the long-awaited life story of Evita Peron, starring pop singer Madonna.

According to its producers, the film is one hundred percent historically accurate - except for the part where Mrs. Peron has group sex with the Houston Rockets.

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

@arshydarling The Soviet Ship to Mars

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

Mars 94 is turned back on in 2020?
#ForAllMankind

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

It's Thursday and I'm on my way to Lakewood for Rehearsal.

[Classic MASH 🍸 @ClassicMASH]

#ClassicMASH

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

Good morning everyone 🌞! I'm off work and I'm on my way home.

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

The Angels are now 1-1 on the current version of The NBC Major League Baseball Game of the Week!

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

In Duluth, Minnesota, authorities suspect arson was to blame for a fire that destroyed a mobile home, and killed seventy-three cats.

The chief suspect so far? This dog.

(the audience laughs sparingly at this one, almost mockingly. So Norm just holds his smile and keeps trying to sell the joke)

Dogs don't care for cats much, you know?

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

Good morning everyone 🌞! I'm off work and on my way home.

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

Good morning everyone 🌞! I'm off work and on my way home.

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

It's Thursday and I'm on my way to Long Beach for Rehearsal.

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

And finally... in Burien, Washington, elementary school teacher Mary Kay Letourneau pled guilty this week to having sex with a sixth-grade student, whose child she bore in May.

Miss Letourneau has been branded as a sex offender. Or, as the kids refer to her, "the greatest teacher ever!"

[Robert Reyes @robertreyes]

It's May 9 and the [Forking] Angels are [Forking] pissing me off!