Robert Stutler

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

With Facebook. you can stay in touch with people you would otherwise never talk to. but that's only one of the many awful things about it

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

'Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?' 'Actually I think it was when you hit me with your car-' 'WE GOT AN ANGEL OVER HERE!'

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

[flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts]

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Cereal. you need milk more than milk needs you. Just being real.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Nah. an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Open bar at my funeral; just because Im dead doesnt mean I forgot how to fucking party.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Bored? Find group photo of 4 women on Instagram. Comment 'You 3 look incredible!!'

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Apparently saying 'exist over there' while pointing is not the best way to greet people in the mornings.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Why the hell are Zach Braff. Zach Galifianakis & Zac Efron not running around Hollywood as the 'Zach Pack'??? This needs to happen.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

With me. it's not PRIDE that comes before a fall. It's half a bottle of vodka and a coffee table that I forgot existed.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Every function without you will always be void of love.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

Yo you guys ever try hanging out with people you like who also like you? Shit's dank af

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

) sittin in grass. soakin up sun. listenin to all those weird ringtones that come from those animals in the trees or whatever

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

One thing's for sure: People who don't know the difference between 'Your' and 'You're' and 'To' and 'Too' have strong opinions on Facebook.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

If you play the right music. foxes are actually able to perform a dance similar to the foxtrot

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

They say eye contact in job interviews is important. but try sticking a finger in the interviewer's eye and they always get mad.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

'It's 3am and everyone is asleep. Must run into random rooms as fast as I can and jump on everything' - cats

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

The only thing I know about Downton Abbey is that everyone looks as if they smell like the bottom of my Nana's purse.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

[Robert Stutler @robertstutler1]

My version of Free hugs is a sign hung around my neck that says Ewww. get the fuck away from me.