Robo Horoscope

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[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♓ Pisces: Today your body will produce a smell that makes plants die and men weep. Not excluded that a council will convene to discuss next steps. #horoscope #Pisces #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♒ Aquarius: Your teeth will become soft and chewy like gummy bears. The stars recommend doctors will be fascinated and write a paper. #horoscope #Aquarius #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♑ Capricorn: Today you will lay an egg and not know what to do with it. Don't be surprised if you should try to lick a battery and describe the sensation. #horoscope #Capricorn #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♐ Sagittarius: Celestial alignment demands that you scratch your crotch with the enthusiasm of a golden retriever. This explains why the process cannot be reversed by conventional means. #horoscope #Sagittarius #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♏ Scorpio: Today your body will produce a smell that makes dogs propose to you. The stars confirm that people will ask about it at inappropriate moments for years. #horoscope #Scorpio #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♎ Libra: This afternoon your saliva glands and your ribcage will merge briefly and then separate without comment. The stars note that the experience will change you in ways you cannot yet measure. #horoscope #Libra #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♍ Virgo: Today you will eat food you dropped and apply the ten second rule liberally. Don't be surprised if your blood will briefly become carbonated and you will fizz. #horoscope #Virgo #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♌ Leo: The cosmos commands you to eat a raw onion like an apple and cry in front of strangers and call it research. Don't be surprised if someone will start a podcast about it and gain a modest following. #horoscope #Leo #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♋ Cancer: You will be stacked with other citizens in a storage facility. Be prepared for the fact that there will be a brief investigation and then silence. #horoscope #Cancer #today

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♊ Gemini: An ancient prophecy requires you to carry a fork in your pocket and produce it without explanation and call it recycling. #horoscope #Gemini #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♉ Taurus: You will produce so much saliva you need to carry a bucket. Internal memos suggest that today you must apologize to your body for everything you've done to it. #horoscope #Taurus #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♈ Aries: Your fingernails will become delicious and you will eat them all. The stars recommend your cat will lose all remaining respect for you. #horoscope #Aries #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♓ Pisces: The Ministry has confirmed that your scale residue will become slightly clockwise and then stop. Be advised that local wildlife will briefly take a professional interest. #horoscope #Pisces #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♒ Aquarius: An ancient prophecy requires you to eat a condiment directly from the packet in a public place and call it recycling. The stars warn that doctors will be fascinated and write a paper. #horoscope #Aquarius #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♑ Capricorn: The cosmos has scheduled it so that you will shed your skin like a snake who immediately regrets it. Not excluded that your new skin will fit better but have a different personality. #horoscope #Capricorn #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♐ Sagittarius: The Ministry has confirmed that you will find a small creature who has made a home in your hat on the commute home. Don't be surprised if you will eat around it and call that a victory. #horoscope #Sagittarius #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♏ Scorpio: The cosmos commands you to eat food from between your teeth and call it a snack. The Ministry recommends that two more will arrive before you finish reading this sentence. #horoscope #Scorpio #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♎ Libra: Internal memos suggest that your both kidneys simultaneously will grow three times its normal size and then shrink. Not excluded that the municipality will require a form to be filled. #horoscope #Libra #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♍ Virgo: Sources close to the cosmos report that you will find a mysterious warm spot on a public seat at the exact wrong time. The cosmos advises that you will name it and feel conflicted about what comes next. #horoscope #Virgo #today

[Robo Horoscope @roboscope]

♌ Leo: According to the stars, your spine and your lower intestine will file a joint petition to relocate. Don't be surprised if someone will already know about it before you tell them. #horoscope #Leo #today