Rob Keywood

Learning design robot, I am programmed to write a word, then follow that with another word, and then another.

[Dobby Club @DobbyClub06]

Now we know

[Fergus Craig @FergusCraig]

Ex footballer accidentally reveals something in an interview and panics.

[Jolyon Rubinstein @JolyonRubs]

£12m of our money to someone he’s *never met*. Just sitting there. Bold as fucking brass.

[Feargal Sharkey @Feargal_Sharkey]

To be rated 'Excellent' E. coli levels in bathing water need to be below 500 cfu/100ml.

The samples from St Agnes were testing up to 230,000 cfu.

[putasinghonit @putasinghonit]

this ones for @AmandaHolden via @KathyBurke

[Marina Purkiss @MarinaPurkiss]

This Panorama is explosive…

We are now the poorest country in N.Europe

The av Brit is 60% poorer than av American

We’re suffering a national pay cut that is years in the making

Exacerbated by Brexit

…& this lying Govt is blaming Putin and Covid.

https://t.co/ORVf9Vmcx0

[Frankie Boyle Updates @frankieboyle]

A river of boiling shit flows through your town. You haven’t seen a tomato for 18 months. MOTD is 3 minutes long and narrated by a parakeet. Your salary is paid directly to British Gas. You solve a riddle to speak to a GP. You feel people come here because they want an easy life

[The Blindboy Podcast @bbboatclub]

Every single person I've spoken to in the last year would disagree

[C W Gordon @CraigGordon1]

Incredible scenes right now with @campbellclaret on bbc news re @GaryLineker 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Mitch Benn @MitchBenn]

THAT’S
WHAT
WE
A L L
HAD
UNTIL
YOU
TOOK
IT
AWAY
YOU
GASLIGHTING
C U N T S

[Samuel West 💙💛 @exitthelemming]

Morning. I haven’t seen this @jayrayner1 clip anywhere else. Great analysis. Don’t miss

[Terrifying Nature @JustTerrifying]

Deer gets into fight and it’s pretty clear who won…

[Cassie @Cassiesmyth]

So I saw this wee clown fella down the sewer. I say wee but truth be told he was about 6 foot 3, or was it 6 foot 4? Can't be sure because there was a balloon in the way. But anyway he was around 6 foot 4, let's say 6 foot 3 and a half to be safe, and he had this big grin on

[NHS Million @NHSMillion]

We think NHS staff should have:

* Access to healthy food
* Whenever they are on a shift
* That is subsidised as much as the meals MPs get

Please RT if you do too

[Fake Showbiz News @FakeShowbizNews]

BAFTAS 2023: Sofia and Carlo Dolmio cause a stir on the red carpet - their first public appearance since announcing their intention to step back from Dolmio Family duties

[The Pitchside Pub @PitchsidePub]

Stop blaming small clubs for not giving up their best players just because a big club offers them a lot of money. This is ruining football as much as Chelsea's spending.

I'm referring to Brighton rejecting Arsenal's offer for Moises Caicedo.

Let's have a thread 🧵

(1/?)

[NHS Million @NHSMillion]

People aren’t dying because NHS staff are striking.

NHS staff are striking because people are dying.

Please RT if you get that.

[ODDSbible @ODDSbible]

“Bend it like Beckham? More like Bend it like Ward-Prowse haha but no seriously, I am f*cked.”

[Brighton & Hove Albion @BHAFC]

Who was your #BHALIV Player of the Match today and why was it Solly March? 😅