he wouldn't have
to stay awake all
night , looking over
his shoulder .
ivan would also
take his nerves
off anyway .
they're close
enough for him
to relax next to .
he straightens up ,
leaning off of
him now to nudge
his arm .
“ you're the one
that's taller and ..
maybe stronger . ”
he doesn't really
want to fully admit
that the other
was stronger
than him . especially
with such a princely
persona . tch .
+
⠀⠀
he thinks for a moment as his hand rests against tills waist , holding him safely against his side . they’ve slept over at each other’s place before — a common thing between two friends . but this was different . till was seeking him out for safety .
⠀⠀
“ anyway , i'm
just staying over
because it's
dangerous to
be alone . ”
he blows a piece
of hair out of
his face , readjusting
backpack strap .
if the killer calls
him again , at
least he'd have
someone else
by his side .
+
@parasiteswoe g-guh .ᐟ
( his head is
thrown back
against the sheets
as tears prick
his eyes . he
feels so stuffed ,
and the tingling
from the toy
enhances his
pleasure . it
feels so good ,
it almost hurts . )
i-ivan .. .ᐟ ngh—— * ♨️💦
unlike his usual
persona , the
actor peels away
to reveal raw
emotions slipping
past his normally
tired expression .
“ my ivan means
more to me than
anything else .
so .. if this is
some alternate
reality , then i
know it's the same
for that till too . ”
his brows scrunch
together . no ,
he's determined
to let him know .
something deep
inside him is
desperate for it .
as if some part
of him would
regret it forever
if he missed
this chance .
this feeling ...
it feels oddly
personal .
+
⠀⠀
he wonders . . . is his feelings obvious in these scripts? were they named? love? surely not. but. he nods, humming softly.
“ of course i am. he deserves to live on. ”
mention of * mizi gets a tiny smile out of him. the crush amuses him, but he
⠀
➷
abruptly , he
stands from his
chair , grabbing
ivan's wrist .
“ it isn't a lie .
it's not just the
script or story ...
i just know it .
you matter to
him more than
anyone else .
he—— he will
mourn you for
a long time . ”
+
“ ... no , you
should know
something before
you go back . ”
his hands ball up
as he meets his gaze .
“ he loves you
too . your death
will be more
significant to
him than you'll
ever know . ”
“ you're .. willing
to die for him .ᐣ ”
that was the part
he couldn't grasp
when studying
his character .
“ even though
he's never looked
your way . even
though it's mizi
he likes .ᐣ ”
no , he knows
the truth regarding
that till's feelings .
+
⠀
he has to watch this till curiously as he's the only person he's told of this plan. seeing him be ... sad? is odd.
“ yeah. i win my round, he wins his. we face each other ... i lose that round, thus making sure till gets to the next round ... and win. ”
⠀
➷
but he doesn't
understand how
ivan could give
his life without
knowing how
much he does
mean to him .
the trauma that
lingers after his
death . how it
haunts his till
for years . now
that he has a
chance to at
least give him
that peace of mind
before his unavoidable
fate ...
+