Roger Smith

Big Minnesota sports fan! I bleed purple!!!! Blue in a red state!

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

My son in-law asked me to teach him how to grill and I might have ruined him.

My daughter got married three years ago. Her husband, Kyle, is a good guy, works in IT, polite, laughs at my jokes even when they're not funny.

But the man cannot grill.

Last summer they hosted a Fourth of July BBQ. Kyle was in charge of the burgers, i watched him flip them eleven times in six minutes. They came out gray, dry, tragic.

I didn't say anything, my wife kicked me under the table twice as a reminder.

Two weeks ago Kyle calls me.

Kyle: Hey, Can I ask you something?

Me: Sure.

Kyle: Would you teach me how to grill? Like, actually grill?

I was honored, genuinely.

Me: Absolutely, come over Saturday.

He showed up at noon with a notebook, A notebook.

Me: You're not taking notes.

Kyle: I want to remember.

Me: It's grilling, not calculus.

I started with the basics, Charcoal vs gas, heat zones, when to flip, the importance of letting meat rest.

He's writing everything down.

Then I got to seasoning.

Me: Most people overthink it, salt, pepper, garlic powder. That's it. You don't need seventeen spices.

Kyle: What about marinades?

Me: Waste of time unless you're doing chicken.

Kyle: Really?

Me: You're adding moisture to something you're about to dry out with fire. Doesn't make sense.

He wrote that down.

Then I said, "And if anyone ever tells you to flip a steak more than once, you walk away from that person."

Kyle: Why?

Me: Because they don't respect the steak.

He stared at me.

Kyle: Are you serious?

Me: Completely.

I could see his brain trying to figure out if I was messing with him. I wasn't.

We grilled for three hours, burgers, steaks, brats. He did great, listened, didn't rush, the kid has potential.

At the end I sent him home with leftovers and a meat thermometer.

Me: Use this, don't guess.

Last weekend my daughter calls.

My daugther: What did you do to Kyle?

Me: What do you mean?

Her: He's obsessed, he bought a new grill, he's watching YouTube videos, he tried to explain 'heat zones' to his mom, she had no idea what he was talking about."

Me: That's good.

Her: He grilled chicken at 9pm last night because he wanted to 'practice his sear.'

Me: Sounds like he's taking it seriously.

Her: Dad, He told my coworker her husband was 'disrespecting the steak.'

I started laughing.

Her: That's not funny, she thought he was crazy.

Me: He's not wrong.

Her: You created a monster.

Me: I created a man who knows how to grill.

She hung up on me.

Yesterday Kyle sent me a picture of a ribeye with perfect grill marks.

The text said: "Flipped once."

I've never been prouder.

[Jess Margera @jessmargera]

So yeah princess diana said she felt “unsafe” around Trump and after her divorce she said he stalked her like a creepy fuckin predator. This isn’t some new thing all us twitter people have suddenly stumbled on recently. Shit has been going on since the 1980s. Pay the fuck attention for gods sake

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Donald Trump is the perfect example of what happens when no one in your life has ever told you to shut the fuck up.

[Irlandarra @martinez_j7902]

‘Thousands of children were raped…

where are the rapists? ‘Why aren’t they in jail?’

Tucker goes OFF on Pam Bondi’s handling of the Epstein Files

[J @jasonllevin]

Jeff Bezos thinks people are
"vilifying the rich.”

Bro, you're one of the richest people on earth and 1/3 of your warehouse workers rely on government assistance for basic needs like food and rent.

You ARE the villain.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

CONGRATULATIONS TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND TRAVIS KELCE ON GETTING MARRIED! WE LOVE YOU.

IGNORE DONALD, HIS WALKER BROKE, HIS RATINGS TANKED, HIS WIFE RAN AWAY, NO ONE CAME TO HIS FREEDOM 250 LEMONADE STAND, AND HE'S OUT OF METAMUCIL, DIAPERS AND HAIR.

[J 🎙️ @blackhawkce457]

So, let me get this straight….

Mitch McConnell’s wife, Elaine Chao, met with the Vice President of China, 3 days after Mitch was hospitalized.

Is there any doubt that Mitch was completely being controlled by China at this point?

[Alex Cole @acnewsitics]

FIFA 2026 will be remembered for 1 thing

America cheated.

The Trump stain is all over it now.

[Boston Smalls @smalls2672]

2025 was the most money trump has ever made in one year in his entire life.

But dont worry about that, Hunter Biden sold some paintings once. Thats the real corruption story.

[Republicans against Trump @RpsAgainstTrump]

Chris Christie tears into Trump’s unprecedented grifting:

“He and his family believe they are entitled to this… This is Putin-esque type of corruption and self-enrichment.”

[seanmack @seanmack1025]

7 years ago. I forgot about this. Happy 4th

[Never Trump @NoMAGAallowed]

You're reminder of who #Republicans are:

[Canada Hates Trump @AntiTrumpCanada]

When Trump spews bullshit about ‘Communism,’ I look out my window & see Canadians recklessly enjoying healthcare, public schools, pensions, paid parental leave & unemployment insurance. My god our tax dollars actually help people. It’s absolute Marxist bedlam up here. Pray for us

[Paul Danner @Paul_Danner_]

Mitch McConnell is braindead.

He’s being kept alive by machines.

His office needs to be locked and his staff denied access.

[Jo @JoJoFromJerz]

@atrupar Jesus fucking Christ.
His acting AG is, as we speak, refusing to comply with a court order to release documents pertaining to allegations of child rape made against him.

What the actual fuck is going on?!?!

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

🚨HOLY SHIT: Trump says the quiet part out loud and reveals that his billionaire buddies don’t lose when the market is down and gain when it’s up. He calls it a “big beautiful game.”

This while Americans are paycheck to paycheck. Unbelievable.

[Canada Hates Trump @AntiTrumpCanada]

Imagine that. The crooked FIFA boss who handed a bogus peace prize to a warmongering pedophile who killed 165 Iranian schoolchildren later reversed a World Cup decision because that same pedophile told him to.

Fuck Infantino. Fuck Trump.