Misha

Homestuck trash

[Misha @rogueoftimeout]

the law is always on its feet because crime is afoot

[Jeff Wysaski @pleatedjeans]

You want fries with that is a question every business should ask - restaurant, car dealer, colonoscopy - there is no time i don't want fries

[Misha @rogueoftimeout]

the two things life is
1. painful
2. hilarious

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

Sorry about all the jokes I made you didn't like. If it's any consolation: they were free & someday I'll die.

[Misha @rogueoftimeout]

What happened when sodium asked out hydrogen? They said NaH. #chemistryjokes #badpuns

[Misha @rogueoftimeout]

wow i can't believe all the squirrels flew south already

[Misha @rogueoftimeout]

hello i am that person that person who gleefully relates to anti-protagonists

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

I've never been stung by a bee, which most of me thinks is dumb luck. But part of me is definitely like, "bees can tell I'm cool"

[birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights]

If you maybe see a corm bread with legs making rapid egress from a bakery, please disregard. it is none of you concern.

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

"You promise you didn't get me bees again"
[me from a distance] just open it

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

These boots were made for walking. These other boots were made for surveillance. Please speak clearly into the second pair of boots.

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Look in its eyes. This is the only way you can truly understand whatever a gift horse is.

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

BAT FACTS: Inside every bat are two smaller bats fighting over the controls.

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

Always joke about something relatable. Like that black dog shrouded in mist who's always in the periphery of our vision.

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that we switched from field agents to satellite cameras. Stay in view, please.

[Mara Wilson @MaraWilson]

Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like.