Roberto

Software development and security. Formula 1, HBO and indie music fan. Red team. Is this fucking mic on?

[Karly ♰ @karlylawyer]

¿Desde cuándo tener una familia, amarla y priorizarla es lavado de cerebro?
Los lavados del cerebro son justamente los que creen que eso tiene algo de malo.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

I submitted a requisition form for 3 49-inch curved ultrawide monitors.

The total cost was $4K.

Procurement rejected the request within 10 minutes.

They sent a note saying standard protocol limits IT staff to 2 24-inch flat panels.

I immediately drafted a 6-page manifesto on the dangers of peripheral tunnel vision.

I emailed it to the entire C-suite.

I explained that monitoring a dynamic cyber-threat landscape on flat screens causes severe visual fragmentation.

I said when a hacker attempts a brute-force entry, the malicious code moves horizontally across the network topography.

I told them that a 24-inch monitor physically clips the ends of the payload, making it invisible to the naked eye.

I invented a term called "lateral data leakage."

I claimed that without the parabolic curvature of an ultrawide display, our localized firewalls were essentially blind on the flanks.

I included a heavily doctored heat map that showed our headquarters completely engulfed in red warning zones.

The CFO walked into my office 10 minutes later looking terrified.

He asked if we were currently experiencing lateral data leakage.

I squinted at my tiny, inadequate flat screens and sighed.

I told him I couldn't be sure because my field of vision was artificially constrained by legacy hardware limitations.

I said I felt like a fighter pilot trying to fly through a thunderstorm while looking through a paper towel tube.

He immediately bypassed procurement and authorized the purchase on the corporate card.

The monitors arrived yesterday.

I mounted them in a seamless 180-degree arc on my desk.

It looks like the command deck of a spaceship.

I'm not using them to monitor network topography.

I'm using them to play Microsoft Flight Simulator in ultra-panoramic 4K resolution.

I currently have the autopilot engaged somewhere over the Swiss Alps.

I keep a spreadsheet open on the far-left edge just in case someone walks in.

When people ask why the screens show a highly detailed 3D rendering of a mountain range, I tell them it's a topographical representation of our cloud storage density.

They always nod in awe and slowly back out of the room.

Never let corporate policy stand in the way of your immersive gaming experience.

[barney @Southclaws]

the internet's biggest mistake was choosing 32 bits for ipv4

if they chose 8 bits instead, then the world would only have around 250 computers which would be much better for everyone involved

[Frida @FridaDeSauri]

Si este no fuera un país de pinches ofendiditos y llorones se tendría un debate chido para regular ya eso de tomar a los perros como hijos y querer meterlos hasta en aviones y restaurantes, pero pues no: ahí el drama de los que se creen superiores por "amar incondicionalmente" 🤡

[Marie🌸 @ma_fe79]

Max: “Hey mírate, vas más rápido!”

Checo: “Je, es que traigo un Cadillac” 😭😭😭

Max: *se ataca de risa*

Max: “Necesito una grúa!”

*Se chocan entre sí*

Hahahahahah

[Kaguya’s Top Gal @hayasaka_aryan]

Christopher Nolan saw this and gave the role of Helen of Troy to a subsaharan African boy

[el pinche ángel @prietobasado]

Las milfs son de 30 pa arriba. Si la morra tiene 20 y ya tiene hijo no es una milf, es una pendeja con un chamaco

[GONZALO OLIVEROS @goliveros]

Se ofenden por los comentarios contra mascotas? Bien

Ahora oféndanse que esta conductora de la TV pública hace apología contra un grupo poblacional.

Cuando salieron esas publicaciones contra judíos, los abuelos de la presidenta luchaban contra esa discriminación

Pero eso no lo entiende la lerda propagandista pagada con dinero público.

[Corinne 🍉 @meresank]

Arlin, compartir titulares nazis no es el take que te imaginas.

[Política Básica @Politica_Basica]

El nivel de desinformación ya es tal, que están compartiendo propaganda nazi de la segunda guerra mundial.

[Don Maízo @DonMaizo]

Bueno, a sus 54 años está jubilado, lleva una vida de lujo y confort, y se está follando a Kate Perry. No sé si estamos para reírnos mucho de él.

[Princi @Prvnsi]

Padecimientos inventados que sólo les dan a los progres: ansiedad; misofonia; neurodivergencia; diversas intolerancias al gluten, a la lactosa y hasta a los cacahuates.

[ana⁴⁴ @anapau_villa]

Francia: uff ojalá lleguemos a la final

España: uff ojalá lleguemos a la final

La subtrama de Inglaterra y Noruega con México:

[ana⁴⁴ @anapau_villa]

Los amargados: por qué dicen que Haaland es mexicano y que Noruega representa a Latinoamérica ridículos?

El putísimo Erling Haaland jurando que nos vengará:

[Renata Villarreal @Re_Villarreal]

Pues Pedro Sola tiene razón. No en la parte de la carne envenenada, obviamente. Sino por la gente que lleva a sus perros a TODOS PINCHES LADOS !!!
Ya basta por Dios. Ni a los pobres perros les gusta estar amarrados a la pata de una mesa mientras ustedes tragan. Paren ya.

[ArtButMakeItSports @ArtButSports]

Napoleon, by Emanuel Bachrach-Barée, early 20th century

[Niko @NikoMueller]

Domino’s not letting Sony catch a single breath 😂

[Villa @viilla_]

Pero sí estamos de acuerdo que los perros no van en plazas, el super y restaurantes, ¿verdad?