Austin

Grossly over-exaggerated statements of things that may or may not have happened in real life, possibly to me.

[Austin @roperbond]

it turns out you can like coffee without hanging any cute signs in your kitchen about it

[Austin @roperbond]

being in New York is slowly changing me for better or worse (hard to say!!!)

[Austin @roperbond]

walking around the neighborhood and have already passed two lemonade stands. in this economy??

[Austin @roperbond]

the only action you can take for hinge to not show you the same person over and over again is to delete the app in it's entirety

[Austin @roperbond]

all of my work profile pictures are the same one I have here on twitter from 2019 but it’s actually not a problem at all since I haven’t aged at all since then

[Austin @roperbond]

this one’s

[Austin @roperbond]

absolutely blows when you realize you have the time, resources, and energy to make dinner instead of going to buy something 😔

[Austin @roperbond]

turned 35 and suddenly I'm getting linkedin notifications about fighting ageism on my resume

[Austin @roperbond]

first day of pride and my mother told me she would call me back and DIDN’T. this kind of treatment after I treated her like a QUEEN on Mother’s Day (called her one time)

[Austin @roperbond]

@macthompson thank you for having me 😔

[Austin @roperbond]

the fact that I’ve become one of those guys with a watch tan is truly so shocking and embarrassing

[Austin @roperbond]

forced myself to take an Uber to this work event because it was paid for and reminded why I hate taking an Uber!

[Austin @roperbond]

sometimes I send a friend a meme or video and then I revisit it a couple of days later and think wait am EYE the boomer

[Austin @roperbond]

Siri telling me I have no new notifications when that’s blatantly not what I asked her for? humbling. grounding. important

[Austin @roperbond]

saw Furiosa yesterday and simply haven’t stopped crashing my car since

[Austin @roperbond]

I feel like I have 8 new albums I need to listen to but I can't stop playing Cowboy Carter?

[Austin @roperbond]

it’s so cute, my 2 year old niece is developing such a little personality!!! some of you could take some notes……..

[Austin @roperbond]

shocking how many songs have a noise that sounds KIND OF like a slack notification. living in a constant state of anxiety over here

[Austin @roperbond]

absolutely wild that there are people out there that you can look in they eye and say “dream guest on my podcast?” and they will genuinely have no idea what you’re talking about

[Austin @roperbond]

I have cooked chicken hundreds of times in my life yet I still assume I will simply poison myself each time

[Austin @roperbond]

workout instructor only played edited versions of songs. ice spice was shaking her at the deli :(