Rose A. Valenta

#Satire #Standup #comedy batch jokes. If you seek freelance monologue submissions or comedy writing, I'd love to write for you!

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

I support banning assault rifles from the civilian consumer market.

[MikeBates @MikeBates]

It’s been half a year and they’re still hallucinating.

[Borussia Dortmund @BlackYellow]

Happy #CincodeMayo to all our friends and family celebrating in Mexico and around the world! 🇲🇽

Vamos! 💛

[MikeBates @MikeBates]

In February Kevin McCarthy claimed “that this Republican Party is a very big tent. Everyone is invited in.”

Apparently the tent’s not big enough to include anyone not buying into Trump’s Big Lie.

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@wabbey Happy Anniversary William and Kate!

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MysterySolvent masturbation slouch

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MittRomney Congratulations!

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MysterySolvent Chicken!

[MikeBates @MikeBates]

Trump one year ago today:
“This is a very contagious virus. It’s incredible. But it’s something that we have tremendous control over.”
534,000 deaths later. . .

[MikeBates @MikeBates]

Nov 3 didn’t work out. Or Dec 1, the last deadline for states to certify their votes. Or Dec 14, the day electors cast their votes. Or Jan 6, the day VP Pence announced the results. Or Jan 20, when Biden was inaugurated. March 4, still nothing. What’s next on the calendar?

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MysterySolvent Trump is scared of him.

[MikeBates @MikeBates]

One year ago today
Trump: “The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA.”

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@Jim_Gardner "CANCUN! Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch..." ~ Ted Cruz

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MysterySolvent "CANCUN! Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch..." ~ Ted Cruz

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MysterySolvent

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[MikeBates @MikeBates]

Nikki Haley now says of Trump: “He went down a path he shouldn’t have, and we shouldn’t have followed him, and we shouldn’t have listened to him.”

Not all of us followed him or listened to him. Those like Haley who did can now struggle to redeem their reputations. Too late.

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MysterySolvent A wuss who wouldn't stand up to Trump in defence of his family and the other guy is not important.

[Rose A. Valenta @rosevalenta]

@MysterySolvent Boogers

[Mystery Solvent @MysterySolvent]

Ted Lieu is rubbing the GOP Senator’s faces in the mean tweets Trump sent out humiliating and threatening them, and I am here for it! 👏