ri

i am filled with hate but in a cute way

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

At a yard sale, I bought a $3 toaster and found an engagement ring inside it. I brought it back, expecting panic. The woman running the sale looked at the ring and yelled, “MOM, HE DID PUT IT IN THE TOASTER.” Her father had proposed in 1987 by hiding the ring inside a slice of toast. Her mother thought she’d swallowed it, so they went to the emergency room. He was certain it had fallen behind the counter, but nobody ever checked inside the toaster. They’d kept using it for nine more years. Her mom came outside, took one look and said, “I married him without evidence.” Then she let me keep the toaster.

[Gavin @PrimaryCinema]

The iced coffee at a job interview discourse is bringing me back to my last job interview. I brought a water bottle with me and they offered me water and I was like “oh, I’ve brought my own actually” and they said “ah, prepared” and I pointed real fast “write that down!”

[m @yowot_]

as my final act of failure i'll do masters

[Solyricon @Solyricon]

I'm an eldest daughter which means I'm automatically irritated by your incompetence because l was never given room to be imcompetent. I won't be elaborating. The daughters who know get it.

[Alex Sakalis @alexsakalis]

"London was safer 15 years ago" my brother in christ there's an itsu in brixton

[carmen @gldnh0ur]

woke up nauseous…..the body remembers.

[hersch @tittyrespecter]

i love linkedin quick apply. it's like dropping your resume straight into the trash but with less work

[Kush @kushika_twt]

"Your generation is very technologically advanced"

Me trying to delete a blank page in word document:

[elle @itisthegirl]

being asked about taylor frankie paul by my friends and family who don’t watch secret lives of mormon wives

[dr pepper diva - tenmocorp ™️ employee @L0W_TIDE_]

last year was tough but i never fell for the dubai chocolate stuff

[𐌕 🍂 @fwtimini]

If Netflix cancels a show, they should be required by law to release an essay about what was supposed to happen next.

[jynx @miiagarro]

diagnosed with awwtism cause i’m such a cutie

[ashaley 🦋 @ash_kaashh]

When I say “self care day” I do not mean I’m getting my lashes, nails and eyebrows done. I’m literally laying in bed eating snacks and binge watching a show.

[Seth @fiercepatricks]

So crazy when a parent of a gay child is homophobic. U made a gay person. Ur literally the gay source. Ur the carrier of gay. Ur the gay factory

[Mr. Tribe🏝️ @sheymanishere]

graduates when there are no jobs:

[Big Timi @OrevaZSN]

This cannot be the same brain that earned a bachelor’s degree.

[blanc @dqveed]

how life felt at 16 when I’d fall asleep at 4 am reading fanfics/books and wake up early for school with no worries or exhaustion whatsoever

[Blue Aloud @bluealoud]

Londonmaxxing is actually going to a pret a manger

[Wow, He’s Tsonga! @_aboihasnoname]

Margaritas are basically a wellness drink.

Lime = Vitamin C
Salt = Electrolytes
Tequila = Stress Relief