Rachel Schmitz

just out here waiting for the aliens to beam me up

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

My roommates hate my shower curtain (cause they're uncultured) and want to get rid of it but 1500 likes and it gets to stay pls help Nigel live forever

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

Happy 5 year anniversary of THE tweet

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

My roommates hate my shower curtain (cause they're uncultured) and want to get rid of it but 1500 likes and it gets to stay pls help Nigel live forever

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

I once was offered multiple available times to schedule my dentist appointment, with 2:30 being one of them. It was by far the most inconvenient out of the choices for my schedule but I had to do it for the culture.

[Amanda @Pandamoanimum]

My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream I’ve been striving to reach for 46 years.

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

Today I brought my own cup to my fav coffee shop as usual but I had forgotten to rinse it out after it had sat in my car over the weekend and upon sipping my latte I got a mouthful of curdled milk and it just goes to show it rlly do be the consequences of your own actions

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

@ndybuss How can you look at him and feel anything but happiness inside

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

@ndybuss Hasbullah slander on my TL? Unfollowed

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

@ndybuss Guys who snort crack through their W2 forms

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

Good morning and happy Sunday to everyone except the person who coined the phrase “Okie dokie artichokie!”. What the fuck is that shit.

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

My jump rope whipped me during my workout today…maybe this Valentine’s Day wasn’t a bust after all

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

Wordle 228 1/6

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Today is my day

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

One thing I love about being old is doing a group activity with your friends who are also old and bonding over all the ways it made you sore the next day

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

@ndybuss Gonna print this tweet out and stick it on my mirror to remind myself to drink water

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

rschmity

[Venmo @Venmo]

We’re giving out a terrifying $10,000 today. RT this with your Venmo handle—if you dare. 😈 We might send you $100, $250, or $500. #VenmoMe

Must follow @Venmo. No purch nec. Ends 10/27. US only, 18+. Venmo acct req’d. Rules: https://t.co/g4KLdGjvpV

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

I love shopping at target but I would sooner die than to be caught at target in clothes that I bought from target that shit is so embarrassing 😩

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

@AmyZellman @JordanMazzara :(

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

We’re nearly halfway through September and I haven’t bought a single pair of boots yet where’s my gold star

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

You shouldn’t have to be someone or bring someone with you that knows about cars to the mechanic in order to get good service at an honest price. We live in a society.

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

How do I turn of my “binge this show until the characters you’ve been shipping finally kiss “ gene

[Rachel Schmitz @rschmity]

@jamespiersonesq Excellent tweet

[タピオカ最高 @feinbergpilled]

the entire state of wisconsin tomorrow