when will people wake up to the fact that autism is not a behavior or personality disorder and therefore cannot be fixed with “just try harder.” in fact the “trying harder” is what often pushes autistic people to burnout & meltdowns that gets everyone’s panties in a twist.
According to psychology, the urge to immediately fix a partner’s or friend’s distress instead of just sitting with them in it isn't empathy; it is your own low frustration tolerance. When someone you love is hurting, and you instantly jump into problem-solving mode, offering unsolicited advice or trying to find a silver lining, you are often trying to soothe your own secondary anxiety. You aren't rescuing them from their pain; you are rescuing yourself from the discomfort of witnessing a vulnerability you don't know how to hold.
One thing people need to understand about extremely kind, nice, and loving people, is that their other side is just as extreme. It's the hell they survive that makes them gentle. Don't mistake their self-control for weakness.
I take full responsibility when I am wrong. But I will not apologize for how I react when you humiliate, disrespect, and deliberately provoke me. You don't get to do both. There's a tactic that doesn't get talked about enough. They push. They poke. They chip away at your dignity with little digs, public embarrassments, and deliberate provocations — and then the moment you respond, suddenly you're the problem. Suddenly you're "too emotional.Suddenly your reaction becomes the entire story and everything they did to trigger it conveniently disappears. That's not an accident. That's a strategy. Reactive abuse is real. And it works because good people feel guilty for finally snapping after being endlessly patient. They count on your conscience. They count on you apologizing for breaking when they spent weeks trying to break you. Your response was never the issue. The behavior that caused it was.