Brian

Classic Brian

[David Crosby @thedavidcrosby]

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do?

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@DannyPatten You don’t.

[Brian @rudecompliment]

Dumpster @DannyPatten !

[Danny Patten @DannyPatten]

CDC: 32 people in the US got sick from eating lettuce.
Everyone: No lettuce this Thanksgiving.

Multiple people on my timeline: I just injured myself on a lime scooter.
Everyone: Weeeeeeeeee!

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@DrunkDPeezy .@DrunkDPeezy You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?

[Terminal Lance @TerminalLance]

Shot gunning Chef Boyardee

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Dear people citing The Bible:
It’s a cool book with some wonderful passages but it also has ghost sex & giants & super babies & demons. It’s why we don’t make laws based on Game of Thrones, My Little Pony or Legend of Zelda.

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@TerminalLance Marines I considered best friends while we were in revealed horrible close minded/racist/generally stupid opinions so quick it made me grow out my sweet high and tight and throw away my all my finest skivvy shirts. Painful really.

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@TehJawsh @katebarstool Silkies

[Brian @rudecompliment]

In writing the address on an envelope today I spelled Chestnut with 2 U’s. Realized my mistake, did no correction and sent the letter anyway. #outlaw

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@DannyPatten @catharob *knows

[Brian @rudecompliment]

I’ve been waiting so long for the second season of @JessicaJones I have evolved from an irreverent alcoholic to an alcoholic who is also a father

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@DannyPatten @theblackpanther I imagine if T’Challa was ever a billionaire it would mean he made a horrible investment.

[Brian @rudecompliment]

I can’t help but think that one of the takeaways from @theblackpanther was that being born into privilege will ultimately conquer any amount of hard work, preparation, or skill. The character from a meager upbringing who overcame all odds is defeated by the billionaire?

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@morgan_murphy Once?

[Brian @rudecompliment]

Do people still ask “you just won the Super Bowl, what are you gonna do next?” and do people still respond “I’m going to DisneyLand.”? #SuperBowl2018

[Brian @rudecompliment]

Super Bowl 51. Drunk, Philadelphia, all you can eat wings.
Super Bowl 52. Sleep deprived, suburbs, screaming infant. #SuperBowl52

[Brian @rudecompliment]

Way to go @Toyota now I am crying during the #SuperBowl2018

[Task & Purpose @TaskandPurpose]

This Player Needed Permission (Again) From His CO To Play In The Upcoming Super Bowl https://t.co/SXpGtF2GcG

[Brian @rudecompliment]

@ResidentFOX is a pretty decent show but from a military perspective saying “I was a corpsman in the Marine Corps” is the same as saying “I was never in the military.” There was a single veteran around who could’ve corrected them? #USMC #USN #lazywritting