Russell Rinker

I'm a treasure.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

COUNT CRASH CLASP

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

I’m reminded why she’s the one when she asks if I wanna fall asleep to Poop Cruise.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

We believe in me

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

When a surprise homemade muffin almost brings you to tears.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

How could someone don’t want this? How could them?

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

Off-putting? YOU should be off pudding.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

How could I be so careless with my precious instrument

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

Surprise, surprise. Another farewell donut.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

I hate that retail therapy is so effective

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

The subbest of pars.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

I’m so happy to hear you found it and want it and like it

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

You might just pull a beer can out of your baby.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

Drink water, carry the bowl everywhere, don’t trust a fart.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

Alexa, how can I tell if my cat is haunted?

[sarah @heavenbrat]

whys everyone in competition w everyone have u ever heard of having fun and not caring

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

Treat yourself a round of sausage.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

My battle shall be won in the night.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

Great news, ma’am: we’ve located your husband.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

Please remember exactly how you both felt when you went to bed last night.

[Russell Rinker @russellrinker]

When life’s been rocky, but you’re finally ready to rock and go from rock-bottom to rock-solid, it must be…ROCKTOBER!!