Ryan Webb

"Stand-up" Philosopher

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Things to say when someone sneezes:
- I don't respect you.
- God can't help you.
- Take that shit outside.
- This is why you're alone.
- Now I need a shot.
- This used to be a nice neighborhood.

[COSMIC 🖖🏾 SLOP @afrocosmist]

we are putting white slaves on the moon

[Tirk 🍥 🔻 @frogkaro]

they just forced asmongold take his first shower and his body washed away just to reveal he was the River Spirit all this time and he thanked us and left for the pure lands it was crazy

[Armand Domalewski @ArmandDoma]

the mandatory sex change surgeries begin TONIGHT. all republican voters, please report to your local abortion clinic voluntarily or a bisexual MS-13 member will be sent to your home. somehow, pansexual orgies and shariah law are simultaneously in effect as of this moment

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

It’s a pretty jarring day waking up and seeing last night’s election results. If you’re someone who still believes in President Trump, I’m sure you’re feeling concerned and maybe even a little scared. So let me make this clear: We are going to eat you.

[𝓜 @Midewontmiss]

What’s a polite way to tell someone, “I’m not discussing this with you because your entire understanding of the subject is built on so many interconnected misconceptions that correcting them would require uninstalling your current worldview and starting the tutorial from birth”?

[Acid House Hospital @darkmusick_]

white people be like this is actually one of the more uplifting albums about suicide

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@hodgetwins @Verityy1x You're a bunch of scum fucks. Go suck on a tail pipe and inhale

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@LavenderGhast I mean..

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@libbysalt Skill issue

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@elonmusk Like you and djt pimping out young girls for epstein?

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@AcervoFallout I think other than an Easter egg, house could have had a contingency against his mainframe being hijacked, even in death. It could be a failsafe ai that took over when yes man went dormant to become more assertive.

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@vcndrell "Don't look at them as humans. Look at them as Americans"

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@FilmsFallout Voiced by Ron fucking Perlman!

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@elonmusk Good

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@elonmusk You and trump are a leading cause of it you stupid fuck

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@xxxBongwater @TheVaultTecInc Hate to be that guy

[Ryan Webb @Rwebb400]

@_Black_Forest_ @TheVaultTecInc False, Bob was the tree lol