matthew lumley

- still learning

[luke warm tweets @lukejarret]

me: how’d the date go

friend: i got ghosted

me: wow that’s crazy how did the pottery turn out

[°⊱☾⊰° @torivandelle]

we're not fuck buddies we're super smash bros

[jim @jimtropolis]

she lemony on my snicket until there’s an unfortunate event

[S.LIZ @slizagna]

I invented this new thing I’d like to call “package week.” it’s where I get really depressed/lack impulse control and buy a lot of things online and then they all show up in the same 7 day span. it’s like a second, extended Christmas for the mentally ill.

[i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan]

“you should get off social media for your mental health” and do what? spend more time with my THOUGHTS?! no thanks

[I Think You Should Leave memes 💦🥩 @ITYSL_memes]

me and the crew when the weekend hits:

[trash jones @jzux]

me on new year’s eve: resolutions are toxic, let’s just try our best

me on new year’s day: this is the year i’m finally going to kill god

[trash jones @jzux]

lot of fakes out there but apparently this is the official list

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

[flirting] nobody commits to the bit like you

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

what a bewildering vagina you have

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I almost forgot to tell you guys that I saw a dude slip on the ice wearing Crocs today. After he got up I muttered “Crocs country skiing” under my breath and he heard me.

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

them: what’d you get for the holidays?

me:

[Out of Context Pokémon @OoCPokemon]

🎄 MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS 🎄

[keta @keta_mean_]

ah yes, the real five love languages:
- touch starved
-my parents never said they were proud of me
- i love Things
- i’m so exhausted by life pls let me rest for 5 mins
- hey pay attention to me

[Rue☆ 🇵🇸 @glowyruby]

I can’t explain it but this is how I think timothée chalamet and tom holland look at each other at red carpets

[剑女友 sword gf ☭ @punishedgarage]

nurning annintant