J.💜

26 | she/her | Last self harm date: Jan. '20

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

Keeping busy helps the bad thoughts but as soon as my free time comes, I'm fucking back in the darkest parts of my mind.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

Bro I was literally just getting annoyed like 15 minutes ago bc he left me on read and now mans is messaging me 😭 not me accidentally manifesting it lmao

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

I wish we weren't so intimate so fast because fuck, i'm feeling way more attached than I should be 😭

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

bro it's so nice to just kiss someone again 😭😭

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

well, fUCK. I said I was going to be modest this first date, tell me why this man had me pinned down in the back of his jeep at the drive in 😭

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

and this other dude I want to like so much and am actually letting take me out is suCH a dry texter 😭😭 but he responds fast so I stay delusional about him

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

bro 😭 I give in and start being a little more flirty with this dude on bumble only for him to be just drunk enough for my message to go over his head 🥲

I HATE THIS ASDFJSMAM

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

why tf do I always have to cater my actions to this fucking man? I don't fucking care if he's my dad. I'm a grown ass adult. I moved out. I don't want to feel like I'm in high school again. I was my fucking worst.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

It kills me not knowing how you're doing. It hurts even more knowing you don't care how I am.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

It's so fucking embarrassing to still be missing you this much. I just want to stop loving you but I can't even make any progress on that.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

actually crazy accomplishment. Things have been a rollercoaster the past 6 years, but I'm so glad I haven't given in to those feelings sometimes.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

As if my literal memories of him weren't already flooded, it's the time of year where my social media memories will haunt me even more😔 I just wish I could let him go already.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

Bro, I'm torn. I love my friends trust me, but it'd be nice to have a friend to rant to. I tried with one and she immediately changed the convo to talk about her boy roster. The other would give me a little too extreme advice and I'm not that type of person lol 😮‍💨

[Sophia ❣️ @KeruboSk]

I won't end this year pretending everything was fine. I lost a piece of myself this year that I will never get back, and I'm not forcing a smile as if it didn't change me. So no, I won't be saying “2026 is going to be my year”. I'll be praying that I recover next year, that my heart never has to break like this again, that I never have to survive something like this again. I'll be hoping for peace. Real peace, the kind that lets me breathe without fighting for it. I deserve a year that doesn't hurt.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

I can't fucking escape memories of him and they're killing me.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

Lowkey gave me flashbacks but I've definitely already outgrown that crush 😭😂😂😂😂

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

Had a crush on a senior boy my freshman year of highschool. I've always been a decent student so my math teacher sat me with a bunch of older boys bc I helped them with the work. It made me not really have a crush on him anymore lmfao but now he's added me on snap

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

I just can't wait for the day I'm not crying over him

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

I desperately want to feel like I'm moving on but every chance I get to have that feeling, it's followed up by a day where I terribly fucking miss him and he won't leave my mind.

[J.💜 @sadlonelytree]

I absolutely fucking hate that I woke up thinking about him. Wanting him to text me but also wanting to text him. Fuck these feelings... I wish they would just go away already ☹️