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31 // ♉️ // 🏳️‍🌈

[Fav ⛧ @Favwontmiss]

The best straight relationships are:

- Man who constantly gets gay allegations
- Woman who 300 years ago would have been accused of being a witch

[hunter @3gpmh]

can i get a fucking ETA on “this too shall pass”

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

3 months later… nice

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

9 months later…. nice

[Kyle Keegan @realKyleKeegan]

I wonder if it bothers Trump that he is the only President in history who never won an election against a man.

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

no you’re just dumb, it’s okay

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

I was forced to update my iOS system from 16.1 to 26.2 because my apps wouldn’t update/run and I HATE IT HERE

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

my car won’t start and it’s going to cost me more money to get to and from work than I am actually making today 🫠

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

I leveled up in adulthood so many times in 2025. A beverage fridge, a furnished/ stocked guest bedroom and bathroom, my first brand new couch (custom!!!), a DUVET? chalk up the dubs bayBEEEE

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

It enrages me when people post out at the bars and then within an hour are also posting themselves driving home?! like recording WHILE driving, directly after posting (in real time) how many drinks you had at the bar. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

9 months later…. nice

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

if I flex as hard as I can, pose perfectly, in perfect lighting, with my leggings pulled up to the exact perfect spot… my fluff kinda looks like it’s shaped like abs

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

just forcing myself to relive trauma by reading into the Death Snore bc I just found out it’s a real thing and not just something weird I experienced

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

tried to smoke myself to sleep and am wondering why i’m bouncing off the fuckin walls…. that was fucking sativa 😤

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

what’s a birthday celebration without having the lowest expectations possible and still feeling like an asshole for being sad/disappointed HAHA damn i’ll never learn

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

you’d think after 14 years that this whole ~my mom died~ thing would be even just a little bit easier. here to report, it doesn’t. it’s strange approaching the years that will mean she’s been dead longer than I knew her.

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

rhythm cycle followed by yin yoga and my brain is mush goodnight

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

I fucking love cauliflower

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

not me having a chronic headache for the last month, taking ibuprofen every day, and then finding out it’s a rebound headache CAUSED by ibuprofen

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

feeling the whole house shake from the sonic boom was wiiiild

[SpaceX @SpaceX]

After Dragon reenters Earth's atmosphere, it will splash down off the southern coast of California near Oceanside at ~9:19 a.m. PT

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

lol my car just got hit and run AGAAAIINNNN!!! I do not understand how this happens to me so fucking often and i’m fucking pissed about it. she was perfect before now 😭

[👽 @salami_m4mi]

after financially supporting another person for 5 years, it’s absolutely SURREAL that my husband’s goal is for me not to HAVE to work.