Johnny Two Rocks 🎲 🎲

Love your cast iron

[Johnny Two Rocks 🎲 🎲 @saltsimp]

Fried turkey was a success thanks to @altonbrown Fry Derrick!

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Call me a radical leftist, but I prefer presidents who don’t have to pay women $5.6 million for rape and defamation.

[kiesha @kiesha9i]

I stayed at someone's house last week and they have a cat. And I never knew this but, when you go to sleep... cats just wander about the house catting all night? You can't "put a cat to bed"?! The cat just... gets the house for a while?! Fucking nuts.

[Paisa!✭ @liigles]

I think you smoked adderall

[Spencer Hakimian @SpencerHakimian]

JUST IN: Trump says Belgium is 2 weeks away from developing a nuclear bomb.

[Prison Mitch @Prisonmitch]

The USA can still advance to the round of 8 if Mike Pence has the courage.

[24kGoldn @24kGoldn]

Bitches be wearing Mexico jerseys like their boyfriend ain’t cry when Charlie Kirk died

[Young Thugs burner🦌 @NamesJakeboss]

why do 2 of my homeboys follow the MattressFirm Instagram account

[Johnny Two Rocks 🎲 🎲 @saltsimp]

@zizutita yall hitting the same pose too. pic goes hard

[𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 @LucifersTweetz]

One sign of a dying empire is having gladiator fights at the Capitol for the emperor's amusement.

[Brizz-Chan (Mr drive) @billybrizzle420]

Dudes do a high dose of mushrooms one time and be like “yeah since my ego death I’m just kind of better than everyone around me”

[˖ Ritz 𓂀 ݁˖ @ridhima_z]

The reason margaritas taste so good is because they are a spiritually safe drink

They have a salt circle that wards off evil

[Fav ⛧ @Favwontmiss]

Between 0% greek yogourt, gym membership, salad and protein it would have been cheaper to be a crackhead.

[Moira Donegan @MoiraDonegan]

There are lovers you forget and sandwiches that haunt you for the rest of your life.

[lonnie @aubreyplazawyd]

The coworker I hate doordashed a fucking crab boil today

[the cumpound @TheCumpound]

Hunter Biden passes you the penjamin. Do you accept?

[A @AnuGoswami04]

The part in #obsession where the real nikki begs bear to kill her and all he could ask her was "what's so bad about being with me" and then left was the actual horror.

[Sopranos World @SopranosWorld]

Showing up to work ready to do absolutely nothing

[John “Teenus” Remington @zynaftersex]

I am so fucking serious why did the media try to make me hate this guy he fucking rocks

[☔ @Whotfismick]

"2026 IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR"

Me in June:

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

Maybe I can use my evil for good