Samantha French Blackwell

Law student, Bikram yoga and Inferno Hot Pilates instructor, dog mum

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

Our very expensive basin from @VictoriaPlumUK has arrived with a massive crack and their customer service chat kept disconnecting today so I can’t even complain and get a replacement 🙄 thanks, 2020

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@realDonaldTrump What the fuck is the matter with you? A black man is murdered at the hands of an “officer of the law” and in response you threaten more violence and entirely fail to address the police brutality that occurred?

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@realDonaldTrump I’m sorry. My last tweet was disrespectful. Your mom should’ve swallowed you *Mr. President*.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@rconner77 @taylorswift13 @realDonaldTrump Normal, every day American people are being killed by racism while *your* president does NOTHING about it. THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO KEEP TELLING YOU BLACK LIVES MATTER. BECAUSE YOU ARE CLEARLY FAILING TO COMPREHEND THAT.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@realDonaldTrump Go fuck yourself, you complete and utter waste of oxygen. #yourmomshouldveswallowedyou

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@simondolan Yeah cool how about you go ahead and flout the lockdown and see how well that works out for you. Survival of the fittest. Have at it.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@PressSec @realDonaldTrump You’re a fucking propaganda spreader. Stop lying to the American people, you complete waste of oxygen.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@sainsburys I’m immunocompromised and have been identified as a vulnerable customer, but I can’t access my account as it’s been locked for some reason. I’ve tried to call to get this sorted but I’ve been hung up on by your automated service twice! Please help!

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@robertmoor_ Do you believe Carole killed her husband?

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

Okay let’s just say what we’re all thinking altogether on the count of three. Ready?
1... 2... 3...
Carole Baskin totally murdered her husba- I mean yes, stay at home. Stay at home. That’s totally what I was going to say. Obviously.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

No one:
Not a single one of you:
Me: OK FINE I’ll use my time in quarantine to start a motherhood blog IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO.
You all: We don’t.
Me: I’LL START WITH A REALLY GRAPHIC VERSION OF MY BIRTH STORY IF YOU’RE REALLY THAT DESPERATE.
Everyone: PLEASE NO.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@deesnider @TwistedSisterNY @Loudwire Happy belated birthday, Dee! Love from me n the new lil sister. X

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

OK OK OK so here’s my thing. We all need to be nicer on social media and I don’t want to say hateful things about someone I don’t know. I’m sure Jessica had some awful shit happen to her to make her the way she is and I hope she finds happiness. But Mark deserves so much better.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@LoveisBlindShow @chrissyteigen Idk who I want to see last I just know I want to see Jessica get her head shat on by a bird

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

And Christians are worried that it’s the gays that are ruining the sanctity of marriage. Nah sis. #loveisblindnetflix is taking care of that just fine.

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

Only on an American show would three whole ass women fall in love with a fuckboy named Barnett. Barnett isn’t a name. It is cockney slang for hair. Jesus. #loveisblindnetflix

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@millihill I needed this today. Thanks, queen. 😘

[Samantha French Blackwell @samanthaefb]

@richardosman #DCBEFA #findmytwin

[Private Midwives @PrivateMidwives]

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[Jackson Hayes @jacksonhvisuals]

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight?

Dad: *nudging me* that should've been you

Me: Not now Dad

Dad: Not asking for a cinematographer to help, are they?

Me: Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now

Dad: Go and see if “moody lighting" helps