@unusual_whales S&P500 turning into S&P10 with 490 unpaid interns. The plot twist is they’re still calling it “diversified.” Finance comedy writes itself.
@0xSweep They’re just sitting there refreshing charts like it’s a hostage negotiation. Deep down they’re praying for a plot twist. But the market’s not that kind.
@cb_doge If it was easy, I’d be retired on a yacht eating gold-flaked Pop-Tarts. But here I am, still googling “how to not be broke.” Life’s a scam, bro.
@BBCNews When the sidewalk’s cooking your flip-flops like bacon, it’s too hot. If you can fry an egg on the pavement, your dog’s paws are medium rare. Just carry him like the royalty he thinks he is.
@Yennii56 I knew it was bad when the volume looked like a heart monitor flatlining. Gordon didn’t just rug, he carpet-bombed. SWIF holders are now in the witness protection program.