samantha 🍄

SLC // she/her // I’ve been drinking green tea all goddamn day

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

this might actually be the best thing I’ve ever made

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

dating in Portland must be so easy, just go to Powell’s and look confused

[Lakota Man @LakotaMan1]

MAGA: “I’m switching to Coors Light.”

Coors Light: “The fuck you are.”

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

the funniest thing about shaq and barkley’s diss on salt lake city is the people going “YEAH salt lake is boring, the suburbs and provo are way better”

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

@c_welt don’t worry, I’ll carry the burden for you💪🏼

[Joseph Fink, 👻🎃healthcare is a human right🎃👻 @PlanetofFinks]

What are examples in any form of media where a "brilliant song/painting/play/etc" within the story is actually as good as the characters act like it is?

Note: NOT the same as just "I liked it". It needs to actually fully match its fictional reputation

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

@c_welt Thank you thank you thank you I’m so glad you guys love it!! 💜

[Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses]

23 and Me but to find out what percentage of Nick Cannon I am.

[The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana]

would u love me if i were a worm

[Jordan Kutzer @JordanKutzer]

Bryce Harper was mentioned in the New York Times at the age of 13. The article was about unrealistic baseball dreams at too young an age.

He made his MLB debut at 19 years old and just sent his team to the World Series at 30 years old.

Be unrealistic.

[Philadelphia Phillies @Phillies]

WE'RE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES.

#RedOctober

[King Fucking Henrik @FuckingHenrik30]

Cant believe after 162 games + playoffs the NL East was really just this.

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

it’s been a minute since i’ve been cute on twitter here you go

[Philadelphia Phillies @Phillies]

Did you miss us, October?

#RingTheBell

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

one year is the brendan frasier anniversary

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

@professorjoke

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

Many of the native fish species found in Oklahoma's waters have long lifespans. In fact, in late May 2019, an Oklahoma angler caught a 66lb female smallmouth buffalo fish that was estimated to be 62 years old. That's a whole 37 years past being eligible to date Leonardo DiCaprio.

[samantha 🍄 @sambeesly]

@professorjoke come say heyyyyy burke!!!