Sam

former thumb sucker. she/her

[Sam @samcrichto]

of all the things I’ve said as a joke why did this one come true

[Sam @samcrichto]

me as a judge on the masked singer, about every person: Hear me out. This one is definitely Rudy Giuliani.

[Sam @samcrichto]

Rocky in project Hail Mary:

[priya @realmfpriya]

you guys get some sleep. i'll handle staying up and googling stuff.

[shereen @shereeny]

if you’re one of the rich new yorkers who will flee if zohran mamdani becomes mayors, you can give me your keys and I will take care of your apartment for you! you’re welcome!

[Sam @samcrichto]

“I asked chat gpt” “I asked grok” ok well I asked 20Q

[Sam @samcrichto]

when ppl clap for some people during the in memoriam but not others

[Sam @samcrichto]

I don’t live tweet award shows like I used to but I do come to you tonight with one of my hottest takes: the best LA Sephora is the one in Ovation Hollywood, where our beloved Oscars are taking place tonight.

[Sam @samcrichto]

they should replace Casey affleck with Boston rob in everything Casey affleck has ever done

[Sam @samcrichto]

she’s too famous for it but keke Palmer on traitors would shift the universe

[Sam @samcrichto]

TikTok is banned….. i am back here……. idk I might just put games on my phone

[Sam @samcrichto]

@FaithNoMoar mine was a girl doing an impression of Justin Bieber auditioning for the Dolly Parton musical

[𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨 𝙂𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚 @Chris_Grosse]

And we will name the town: Windsor.

What will be the name of the town due east of Windsor, sir?

Why, South Windsor, of course.

South Windsor is east of Windsor, sir?

Yes, for the most part. And to the north of South Windsor will be East Windsor.

East Windsor is to the north of South Windsor?

Yes, of course.

But the town north of Windsor has to be North Windsor, right sir?

No. Windsor Locks.

Sir, I’m very confused. So where is North Windsor?

Nobody knows.

[Sam @samcrichto]

how long is it supposed to take for a pod to save america

[Sam @samcrichto]

no but do you remember how bad the trump era was? our lives revolved around a virtual trivia game that went live every day at 6PST. it was dark.

[Sam @samcrichto]

me: dad have you heard about brat summer?
dad: no who is he?
me: wait what?
dad: sorry are they a she?

[Sam @samcrichto]

the Olympics truly alter my brain chemistry. I never even think about sports, but today I out of my own volition watched a basketball game and a canoe slalom at 10am.

[Sam @samcrichto]

there is going to be an episode of Emily in Paris where she decides she wants to try fencing and by the end has won a gold medal at the 2024 Olympics

[Sam @samcrichto]

if you give a bitch a break, she’ll also want a vacation

[Sam @samcrichto]

@rachelsmitts why do i need to respond to see the location and who else is going….. these are the 2 most important factors for deciding if I would like to go myself

[Sam @samcrichto]

I just shouted “Paul mua’dib atreidis, Duke of arakis” in a fancy hotel lobby after one drink you really can’t take me anywhere can you

[Sam @samcrichto]

walking slowly in case Ryan goslings car passes me and he sees my sweatshirt and wants to say hi

[Sam @samcrichto]

I said he was giving a round of a-paws and was rightfully told to leave

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

Messi clapping at the #Oscars

See the full winners list: https://t.co/IctYZ9WO3B