Sam💐

Oh what so only roosters are allowed to start the day with screaming?

[Mat George @matchu_chutrain]

I feel like I missed my opportunity to find someone to date so now I have to wait until the first wave of divorce hits

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

gooooob morning. the first time you wake up. could be a mistake. it’s best to fall back to sleep. just to be safe

[Sam💐 @samenstrom]

@SamSmooore Don’t forget that distinct coffee pee

[Hailey @_hailey_curtis_]

I have the coolest dog

[4hunna @furhaps]

my brother: *breathes*

my mom: 😍😍😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘😘👨🏻‍⚕️👨🏻‍⚕️👨🏻‍⚕️👨🏻‍⚕️💆🏻‍♂️💆🏻‍♂️💆🏻‍♂️🎉🎉🎉🎉🎁🎁🎁🎁🥳🥳🥳🥳☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺🥺

[goblin ells @elliepeek]

girls who can kill a whole jar of dill pickles in one sitting are the hottest bitches in the world

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

[first day as a priest]

guy: father i must confess my sins

me: what's the tea my child

[Sam💐 @samenstrom]

My happy dance when I finally get my way

[Nigerian Giant @SheWantsTheVic]

She DID that

[Sam💐 @samenstrom]

@Jarod322 Yes

[Sam💐 @samenstrom]

Success is nothing unless you have someone there to share it with

[. @Btrillaaa]

Idk who needs to hear this but bitch you suck at money management. Stop spending your money on dumb shit, stop impulse buying, and most importantly cook at home and stop eating out... bitch

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

the human seems distracted. so i put my paw on their knee. and now they know. that whatever it is. we’re in it together