sam

Playwright, probably 3 weiner dogs in a human suit (she/her) // IM GONNA MARRY YOU TOBEY MAGUIRE now available for purchase and licensing 💍🕷️💋

[sam @samhurley69]

Remember that time the first play I ever saw in London was at Southwark and now my play is gonna be in the exACT SAME SPACE ?!?!!?!! 😭🥳🥳🥹🥹Get ur tix before we inevitably get a cease and desist from the big man himself !!! 🕷️💍

[Southwark Playhouse @swkplay]

JUST ANNOUNCED | Direct from its critically acclaimed sold-out New York premiere, I’m Gonna Marry You Tobey Maguire comes to #SwkplayBorough.

The "sharp and funny new play” @thedailybeast reminds us that with great obsession comes great heartache

🗓️ 28 Jun - 10 Aug

[sam @samhurley69]

@zzestiee No

[sam @samhurley69]

Every box of tampons should come with 1-4 loose cigarettes.

[sam @samhurley69]

Huge day for the most annoying girls from New England !

[Film Updates @FilmUpdates]

Jeremy Strong featured in new Dunkin’ Donuts commercial. https://t.co/rc9sdYS61b

[sam @samhurley69]

When I have to answer more than one email

[sam @samhurley69]

Life’s tough out here for a bitch that’s still doing it for the vine

[sam @samhurley69]

Jason Robert Brown really put his whole Jason Robert Bussy into Bridges of Madison County huh

[sam @samhurley69]

I was in an online sketch comedy class during January 6 and my teacher looked at us dead in the eyes and with her full chest said: that’s not what matters-comedy is what matters.
I was working on a sketch about a girl clogging the toilet at an Applebees

[sam @samhurley69]

Of course this is how I find out

[LizaMinnelliOutlives @LiZaOutlives]

Liza Minnelli has outlived Jimmy Carter. The humble peanut farmer was the 39th President of the United States.

[sam @samhurley69]

So desperately need to be rolled down cement stairs like one of those glass bottles filled with trinkets

[sam @samhurley69]

Someone needs to make a letterbox but for seltzers.

[sam @samhurley69]

Merry Christmas to all the eldest daughters hitting their vapes in the bathroom during dinner ❤️💚

[sam @samhurley69]

And what if I said my new play was about that dude who found shrimp tails in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch ??

[sam @samhurley69]

Might fuck around and become a concealed carry influencer

[sam @samhurley69]

TIMMY IF U WANT TO BE IN A PLAY ABOUT REDNECK PEDOPHILE HUNTERS PLZ REACH OUT
(will pay you in cigarettes and Doritos)

[Film Updates @FilmUpdates]

Timothée Chalamet says he wants to return to theater in the near future.

(via @TheGNShow)

[sam @samhurley69]

Excited to announce my new job as intimacy director for half apps at Applebees

[sam @samhurley69]

I lowkey would’ve slayed living in the 1400s. Eating only bread and wine ? Most attractive people are fat and pale ?? Accusing people of witchcraft for fun ???

[sam @samhurley69]

When will we as a society agree that ice skating shows can be for adults ? Like fuck Disney on ice I wanna see Challengers on ice

[sam @samhurley69]

We should actually be holding space for the lyrics of Goodbye Earl

[sam @samhurley69]

Me everyday that I’m back in New England