sami

actor • writer • 1/2 of Mt. Juliet

[sami @samipetrucci]

excited and scared for the inevitable live-action remake of a bug's life

[sami @samipetrucci]

just heard a child say “i’m so old i’m almost a teenager” it’s over

[sami @samipetrucci]

time travel already exists for those who are brave enough to look for it (i sent a text from my laptop and the first letter of the sentence was capitalized)

[sami @samipetrucci]

the chex mix at hudson news HATES to see me coming (bold flavor)

[sami @samipetrucci]

feeling a lot like demi moore in the substance (just applied my tretinoin cream)

[sami @samipetrucci]

lobotomy but just for the part of ur brain that gets a little crush

[sami @samipetrucci]

practicing celibussy

[sami @samipetrucci]

tramp stamp that says “aaand he’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

[sami @samipetrucci]

it’s literally so fun to b me

[sami @samipetrucci]

gonna start signing off my emails with “from the sick and twisted mind of sami petrucci”

[sami @samipetrucci]

she break my fourth wall til my bertolt brecht

[sami @samipetrucci]

my back

[sami @samipetrucci]

“who’s pussy is this?” i brought it from home

[sami @samipetrucci]

not a man on the subway wearing a “if you jingle my bells i’ll give you a white christmas” shirt in the middle of may

[sami @samipetrucci]

insane clown posse is actually just what i call my exes

[sami @samipetrucci]

no fr we are so doomed

[sami @samipetrucci]

eclipse out here giving A24 horror

[sami @samipetrucci]

do u think the sun and moon are gonna kiss today

[sami @samipetrucci]

how do we as a society retroactively get florence pugh her midsommar oscar

[sami @samipetrucci]

me explaining the plot of gummo to my uninterested coworker while a customer is waiting at the counter

[Spencer Althouse @SpencerAlthouse]

John Mulaney explaining the entire plot to Field of Dreams instead of presenting his category at the Oscars lol. king

[sami @samipetrucci]

watching gummo and dancer in the dark within the same 12 hours tryna spiral into psychosis on this fine thursday