slam

[BuffaloRon @BuffaloRon]

Me: I'm going to eat healthy

Lettuce: I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea

Oreos in the pantry: I would never do that to you

[Shafeeq @Y2SHAF]

future historians are going to have a nightmare trying to explain why we ran out of drinking water because we needed to cool down the machines generating 4K AI fruit videos

[Rich @RealRichWilkins]

I'm not going to make a joke about the fact that Joe Biden is outliving all of these guys in the Senate. Seriously.

[Covie @covie_93]

He paid an adult film star $130k to keep quiet about the sex they had while his third wife was home recovering after just giving birth to their son.

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

The same people hiding Mitch McConnell’s corpse are awfully quiet after spending years screaming about dead people voting and collecting government checks.

[smitty werbenjägermanjensen @_letterbxmb]

Please god, why can’t we get one dumbass nurse that loves TikTok more than HIPAA

[FactPost @factpostnews]

A diarrhea-causing parasite has now infected over 1,000 Americans, spreading across 29 states.

Last year, RFK Jr and Elon Musk dissolved the CDC office responsible for preventing parasitic infections.

[chase @cfree94]

you’re laughing.. mitch mcconnell is about to be reincarnated as anne hathaway’s baby and you’re laughing??

[Reed Galen @reedgalen]

Make Mark drink it

[slam @samiwoz]

@jasonllevin Yeah lol he’s a moron

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

I think women should decide what to do with Mitch McConnell's body since he decided what to do with theirs.

[Sarah Ironside 💙 @SarahIronside6]

I spoke with my dear friend Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes this morning and he told me he supports universal healthcare, free college, raising the minimum wage and housing for all.

[slam @samiwoz]

@NHL_Muse Cody eakin

[Adam Mockler @adammocklerr]

17 Republicans voted NO ON WHAT???

[k @alfkkifine]

Great. Study endometriosis now

[Tony Posnanski @tonyposnanski]

That’s 27 million more than the Trumps ever donated when you consider Eric Trump stole one million from his kids with cancer charity.

[💗 @ma1ybe]

than*