sam ✨🌙

future ghost

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

My toxic trait is I make everybody I meet listen to Bo Burnham and expect them to love him

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

I HATE AGENT BLAKEEEE BRING BACK PRENTISS

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

I got 60k likes on a comment on tiktok omg I’m famous

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

And now he’s telling me he loves me. Weak men are WEAK

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

TELL ME THIS MAN WHO TRIED TO STEAL FROM ME LESS THAN A WEEK AGO IS NOT SAYING HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MEEEE get the fuck out of my life lmfao

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

I woke up today to a text from this man asking if I wanted to hang out ARE YOU KIDDINGGGG 🤣🤣🤣

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

she got ironic tattoos on her back… that ain’t ironic bitch I love Rugrats

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

My New Year’s resolution is to take more pictures bc why was I going thru my camera roll for a 2024 photo dump and all I could find were selfies

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

Imagine being elon musk and being so fucking insecure with yourself that you need to make an alt twitter persona just to defend yourself from all the people rightfully critiquing you 🤣🤣🤣 genuinely just sad lmfao

[Adrian Dittmann @AdrianDittmann]

Imagine you're a journalist who's writing about Elon on X and it goes: "Elon Musk, aka 'Kekius Maximus' on X..." 🤣🤣

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

“your ass is grass and I’m gonna mow it” is prob my favorite line in any tv show thx bobs burgers

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

how many times am I going to have to tell tiktok that I am not interested in any live videos today?

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

REID WOULD’VE KNOWN THE CORRECT PRONUNCIATION OF SAMHAIM

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

I love having a stoner uncle who grows his own stuff bc he just gave me a zip for Christmas 😭🙌🏻

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

does christmas make anyone else just feel fucking sad lol

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

what do you mean I can’t make autism my entire personality. it already is

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

AHHHHHHHH merry Xmas to me bc I finally got approved AGAIN for my insulin pump lmfaoooo FUCK YOU INSURANCE COMPANIES FOR MAKING THIS SO DIFFICULT but thx for finally approving it again 🤗

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

LMFAOOOO im just realizing that dude felt emasculated af when I knew more about cars than he did lol one time his car was lurching so I asked him if he looked at the dipstick to check his transmission fluid and he said his car didn’t have one LMFAOOOO BITCH WHAT 🤣🤣🤣

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

The irony of my (abusive) dead boyfriend’s birthday being on dec 21st, the longest and darkest night of the whole year, is absolutely not lost on me

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

ohhhh my goddddddd I’m going to kill the ceo of every healthcare company and pharmacy and doctors office and actually yk what I’m gonna kill the ceo of life. watch out god I’m coming for you YOU SPITEFUL FUCK

[sam ✨🌙 @samjdow]

When is someone gonna pull a Luigi on elon already 🙄