Sam LiButti

Los Angeles, CA. Stand Up Comic. Writer for @realpunknews @HardDriveMag & The Inner Loop. @samlibutti : ig

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

The year is 2026, coronavirus wiped out most of the country. I haven’t eaten in days. Finally I see a small structure in the distance. I use what strength I have left to push open the door. I slowly approach the man behind the counter and exchange a copy of Madden 13 for 62 cents

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Going to hardcore shows and tapping everyone in the pit on the shoulder and asking them if they can move the pit over one foot so I can see better

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Just woke up from a dream where Shaquille O’Neal was driving me to the smokeshop to buy Kratom

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Me: God people are so Tribalistic, what a silly instinct

Also me: I hope a plane carrying the Dallas Cowboys crashes directly into a field containing the entire Philadelphia Eagles organization

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

November should be reserved for one last chance to enjoy stuff like pumpkin patches without the threat of a theatre kid in a mask yelling at you
Haunted houses should be converted to cozy fall houses where each room features progressively larger and more alarming cornucopias

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

There’s this weird period in like the 80s and 90s where in a movie if a person is holding a cell phone, it means they are a complete piece of shit who hates their kids.

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Just saw #HIM & if they want to realistically show how someone like Patrick Mahomes gets his power the twist at the end should be that it’s a cult of biased referees

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

I’m trying to figure out how I can make a meme of the rizzler posted up with the sniper just waddling away at an immense pace outrunning the fbi

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

@pentheking It’s a worked beer can shot to promote a wrestling match. This kid is old enough to know that wrestling isn’t real. No excuse for being a dumbass and killing someone because you’re stupid

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

@FinalBossXL Yeah I’m not taking his word for this and even if that’s true, if you’re 25 years old you’re old enough to know that 15 all out below shots to the head of an unconscious man can kill him. No excuse

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

@Attractantz He did a worked move on him to promote a wrestling match. Don’t comment unless you know wrestling. This kid had too much of an ego to not realize it’s not fucking real just like you, because you’re the same type of dipshit. He should be locked up being an idiot is not an excuse

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

I’d like to welcome you all to the 10th annual meeting of the Pedophile Defeaters Squad, as you know we have just elected our new leader

Pedophile “has sex with children” Rapeington

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Tim Robinson is the angel on your shoulder telling you the jack off, Connor O’Malley is the devil on your other shoulder telling you to jack on in an entirely different more devious way

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

A fitting tribute 🫡

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

#HulkHogan Dies Doing What He Loved, Over Shadowing Other More Talented People

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Why tf does that picture of the #Coldplay cheaters look like a vision appearing to the wicked witch in her orb (professional artist rendering below for comparison)

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

He looks like a Tim Robinson character who is dying but can't afford to go to the doctor because he keeps spending his money on newer more elaborate fedoras

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Give a man a femboy and he’ll cum for a day, teach a man to email and he can surf the cyber super highway for strange boy cock and balls for an eternity -Cumfucius

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Pick 6 in the Super Bowl from a white cornerback has gotta sting extra hard. Refs about to call illegal use of whiteness and bring it back #SuperBowl

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

Taylor is going to leave the game in Cooper Dejean’s Jeep Wrangler

[Sam LiButti @samlibutti]

https://t.co/rv9GaPaLxf

https://t.co/QkWkoJfqOq

https://t.co/DLhRp59JLs

https://t.co/EG4Dic9hZG

Funny how this keeps happening by *accident*

How many “coincidences” can happen before we acknowledge maybe it’s not a coincidence?

[Kahlief Adams @KahliefAdams]

That is 1000% a Nazi salute being given behind the presidential podium on Inauguration Day (also MLK day) by the richest person on the planet. That moment will live in infamy.