Suh Mantha

I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls.

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Should I have whispered “I’m gonna murder you” into my dates car camera microphone? No, prob not… but was it funny?! #yes

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Man, carnations last longer than any romantic relationship I’ve ever had…

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

On todays episode of IS IT A SCAB OR IS IT INFECTED, host Samantha questions if the cut on her index finger, that she acquired from scraping it hard on the cabinet while trying to swat her cat off the counter, is just scabbing or turning into gang green.

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Serious question - would I get in trouble if I download the sims on my work computer? Asking for ME

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Yo, who remembers their first iPod???

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

I told my dad about painting the condo pink and he goes, “u don’t want this looking like a Barbie motel” and I said “THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT!!!”

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

What if I just fell asleep on the leg press at the gym? #tired

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

These April Fools marketing emails that I am receiving iz pushing it a little too far, in my opinion. Is it a real product or promotion, or a joke? I’ve had enough.

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Here’s another idea: an alarm clock but it’s cats running across ur sleeping body. Oh wait, I have that.

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Here’s an idea even tho it prob exists: a white noise machine that plays the sound of cats purring

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

There was a time when I seriously considered buying sequined uggs

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Ive been putting that as my, like, worst case scenario, if all else fails, last resort way to make money! I didn’t realize it had a time limit! Yo these eggs r still good! I’m gonna say that to the doctor… “Sir, I promise, my yolks r fresh!” #ineedtogotobed

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

I read the retrieval process… it mentioned anesthesia, I thought “great!” I love anesthesia. I go on to read the compensation. Up to $10,000! Perfect! THEN I get to the requirements and I see “21 - 29 YOA only! No stale old hags” so I guess I’m out.

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

One site said 21 - 29 #yowhat

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Dude I guess I’m too old to donate my eggs apparently

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

If u ever see me broke I’m prob rockin a cast

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

My uber drive transitioned from NPR talk radio to a CD of the 2000s Spice Girl album Forever #smooth

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

Ppl should not kiss at the gym

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

The amount of people I encounter that can’t calculate a 20% tip… #disgraceful

[Suh Mantha @sammsando]

A 60s car coat like I’m fuckin Mrs maisel. I truly thought I was Paris Hilton at that Nordstrom and now, in 100 degree weather I’m paying off this coat.