Allen Crabbe Jr.

Former Rutgers Football DE/OLB 🏈⚔️, Loves God 🙏, Entrepreneur 💸💵💶, Constitutional Conservative 🇱🇷, Super MENSA 🧠, Probably Smoking a Fat Spliff 😂🍃

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

All the slackjawed slaver-sympathizing Missouri hicks on this app have me very invested in the football game tonight! Should be a good one!

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

@penny_ne Bookmarked. This is beautiful.

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

If the occasion called for it I would donate a kidney to any of the beautiful nonbinary staffers at my Trader Joe’s 🥰

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

It’s extremely frustrating to be on #teamfollowback when #oomf won’t fucking follow back I’m not kidding I might kill my god damn self

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

@trevor_dri55047 @FBIDirectorKash Who’s that taliiig to mista Kirk there, is that you treev? Very handsome

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

Rip eiairka Kirk… one year already…. God blesss…. I miss you so fucking much girl.

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

@JoyceCarolOates Joyce - I wonder about your thoughts on the prospect of actually seeing trump on ice skates. Any input on that front?

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

Just used a piece of baby powder scented toilet paper as a coffee filter

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

@notdalilah Just RT things

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

Insidious gay man approaches with lazytown face and plastic/rubber hair wyd

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

Slept in my nipple tassels ln 🙄🙄

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

Why do the padres have poop brown and pee yellow as their colors. They aren’t wearing them tonight but still.

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

Going on the muesli and yogurt diet after daughter born this month. Will this work?

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

To the tune of even flow:

Cleveland joeeeeeee

Peter Brian stewie quagmiiire

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

@notdalilah Not yet

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

I Bought A ChatGPT Premium Membership to See How Long It Would Take to Tell Me to Kill Myself. It Took Under Ten Minutes.

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

@QuartzFrame Yeah, I’ll take all of them! 😂😂😂

[Allen Crabbe Jr. @samoacrabs]

If you enlist because of these war dot gov ads you deserve everything that is coming to you.

Which is, of course, riches and glory! Yay!!