Sam Spar

I don't have the best filter.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

@NewYorkSnacks I love you and always have. I’ll forgive whatever reasoning you have. But it’s been tough out here for a person who prefers blonde bagel crisps to burnt ones. Maybe you could have two separate lines for the burnt folks and the blonde folks. Love you!

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

@doordash is the only delivery service jn my town and they just banned me for no reason. don’t have a car so fuck me I guess

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

after over a decade and $1000s of dollars, thanks @DoorDash for deactivating my account with no help or reason why. nobody can give me any information and they keep referring me to an email I never received. They can’t even find a record of sending me the email. DONT USE DOORDASH

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

you don’t have to take my advice about anything at all but for the love of god, never ever ever fly @Delta. literally canceled my flight home without letting me know so now I live at the airport I guess. Garbage airline.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

i could listen to @iamjohnoliver say marshmallow all day

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

it's weird staying in a standalone home. after 15 years in new york i have a weird engrained fear of disturbing my neighbors. like i'm always on my tip toes and my volume is always at a 4. please help.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

never thought i'd be sitting on an air mattress at 8am on a saturday actively and audibly rooting for @beverleymitchel to make it across a ravine but here we are.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

do i give my driver a bad rating for driving over the median? or a good rating for assuming i was in a hurry and doing what had to be done? because yes it was horrifying but also i was on time.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

i would like to offer my hand in marriage to the person who had the courage in an arby's marketing meeting to suggest "we have the meats." i know it's not a new slogan. i just really love it. and i think this person would understand me. thanks for listening.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

you snooze, i eat half your pancakes, fucker

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

do you read those “employees must wash hands” signs as an instruction to the employees or information for the customers?

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

so strange how everyone is just exactly the same

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

"i wanna see your support bra, not support you" is a really underrated line.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

listen i try so hard to be patient with people but when you're giving me a very long alphanumeric code over the phone and ten characters in you suddenly say "i as in edward" you are testing me.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

is there a way to bulk remove kanye from your spotify playlists? i keep listening to old ones and he pops up and i don't want him to get the .00001 cent

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

https://t.co/D48PpNMcfh sorry but stevie turning to face lindsey directly while she sings this song will never not be the most badass thing.

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

my favorite thing about past sam is that i (apparently) used to create joke playlists that literally nobody else would ever possibly see. WHO WAS THIS FOR?!

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

@LauraJaneGrace girl same

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

idk i don't really have words for this i just miss him https://t.co/JvTAMXHHSu

[Sam Spar @samsparrr]

in a way dino nuggets truly are dinosaur nuggets. given the ancestry and all.