sam🌹

snap: samxcharbonneau

[mo @faerymo]

"women became feminists because of social media"

me at 8 years old when i noticed that well behaved girls kept getting placed next to the naughty disruptive boys in class to ‘manage’ their behaviour

[seraphine @seraphineelysia]

“women are raging feminists because of social media”

me in 3rd grade when the teacher said “i need a few big, strong boys to help me carry this box downstairs”

[jezz @JezziiB]

Macklemore’s net worth $25 million.
Ed Sheeran’s net worth $400 million.
Robert Kraft’s net worth $15 billion.

Mackelmore’s charitable donation of $1 million = 4% of their net worth.
Sheeran’s donation of $2 million = .5% of their net worth.
Kraft’s donation of $2 million = .0013% of their net worth.

Sheeran and Kraft should match Mackelmore’s percentage if they want to pretend to be good guys here.

For Sheeran that’s $16 million
For Kraft that’s $600 million

[Dolly Parton @DollyParton]

If I tried to jog with these boobs, I'd end up with two black eyes! Enjoy the beautiful weather!!

[Nosey Ren @_NoseyRen]

If you’re out there talking about #LindsayClancy, please look at the #KeishaGolden case. Her trial started today. 50 calls to police for help, nothing. 8 months pregnant and got her head slammed into the kitchen counter, she grabbed a knife and stabbed her abuser IN THE LEG to defend herself, now on trial for murder.

Everyone should be supporting her. She is a nurse and turned down a plea to serve 2 years (if I recall correctly) but then she would lose her license and ability to take care of the babies she was protecting. She has a public defender and could use all the help they can get!

Julie Koehler and Kyan Keenan are her lawyers. I can’t find their handles on here but if you can, tag them please. @CookCoDefender

[ᴋɪᴋɪ 🫒🌿 「VNymph」 @kikiiivt]

Being 25 (almost 26) means that
- the people my age are still making up lost time from covid
- the people who are older than me aren't sure they wanna settle down
- the people younger than me are fundamentally different.

We are in, arguably, one of the hardest times to settle down and find someone we feel we can trust. It literally feels like I'm a fish out of water.

[Kas with a K @sedderaside]

I'm never deleting this app

[Saint Hoax @SaintHoax]

my air is poison
my bread has glass
my lettuce causes diarrhea
and i still can’t afford gas

[Swolecialist @BlackLanterrn]

BREAKING: Cyclospora, the parasite causing explosive diarrhea has been found in…

- GREENS!
- Greens!
- Nothing but greens!
- Parsley
- Peppers
- Cabbages
- Celery
- Asparagus
- Watercress
- Fiddlefern
- Lettuce

[em @emilyagain]

NYC Cyclosporiasis watch (Midtown edition, 50s)
Just Salad: filled 🥗🥗🥗
Sweetgreen: extremely filled 🥗🥗🥗🥗
Chopt: a little quieter 🥗🥗
Thisbowl: filled 🥗🥗🥗
CityMD: extremely filled 🥗🥗🥗🥗

[beguey. @hijabeys]

if there was ever a love island usa season that needed to be extended, it’s this one 😭

[Matt Van Swol @mattvanswol]

🚨#BREAKING: A mass sho*ting has just taken place outside of a MIDDLE SCHOOL in Winston-Salem NC after two minors agreed to "fight each other at a park"...

Two people are confirmed de*d and there are MULTIPLE more victims.

PLEASE PRAY!!!!

WE DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!!!

[Ethan Brooks @alt_w_v_g]

The dishwasher broke

My wife said "good thing we have the home warranty"

I said nothing

I've been paying $62 a month for three years for this moment

$2,232 for the peace of mind that when something breaks someone will come to the house and tell me it's not covered

I called

47 minutes on hold

They sent a technician

Arrival window: Tuesday through Thursday between 8am and 5pm

My analyst delivers faster than that

And he still hasn't fixed the gridlines

He showed up Wednesday at 4:47pm

Looked at the dishwasher

Opened the door

Closed the door

Touched something underneath

Said "not covered"

90 seconds

That's faster than my bank lets me prove I'm human

I said "what's covered"

He said "the motor"

I said "what's wrong with it"

He said "not the motor"

I said "convenient"

He said the service fee is $75

I paid a man $75 to open my dishwasher, close my dishwasher, and say two words

My analyst could do that

And he's not even that good

I called the warranty company back

38 minutes on hold

Requested the policy

129 pages

I read all 129 pages

Because that's what I do

The coverage section is 34 pages

The exclusions section is 58

The business model is right there

In the margins

Where nobody reads

Except me

Page 91 says "all mechanical and electrical components essential to appliance function are covered under standard service"

Page 104 excludes control panels

A control panel is an electrical component essential to appliance function

Their own document contradicts itself 13 pages apart

I highlighted both

Sent them an email

Subject line: "Plz fix. Thx."

Attached both pages

No other context

Took them three days to send a technician

Took them 4 hours to call me back when I found the loophole

Funny how that works

They covered the repair

Waived the $75

And I canceled the warranty anyway

Because a contract that contradicts itself isn't a contract

It's a suggestion

My wife said "so we're canceling"

I said "we're canceling"

She said "and the dishwasher"

I said "fixed. They're covering it."

She said "how"

I said "I read the policy"

She said "all 129 pages"

I said "the exclusions section starts on page 47. The coverage section ends on page 34. There are 13 pages between them where they hoped nobody would look."

She looked at me

Then she said "you're unbelievable"

I said "I just saved us $744 a year and got a free dishwasher repair. I'm not unbelievable. I'm thorough."

She looked at the ceiling

The dishwasher works now

The warranty is canceled

And the policy has been read

By at least one person

Probably the first

Make common sense common again

Plz fix. Thx.

Sent from my iPhone

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Remember that I predicted a long time ago that President Obama will attack Iran because of his inability to negotiate properly-not skilled!

[Susa 𓇢𓆸 @prinkasusa]

My coworker used to take the long way home every night. Two extra bus stops, more walking, more money, more time. One day I asked her why she didn’t just take the shortcut alley behind our building.
She laughed and said, “Oh, because a guy followed me there once and told me he could ‘do whatever he wanted’ and no one would hear me scream.”
So now, every night, she calls a male friend and pretends she’s on the phone with her “boyfriend.” Sometimes she even laughs loudly and says things like, “Yeah, I’ll see you in five minutes, babe,” even when she’s completely alone.
Not because she wants attention.
Not because she’s dramatic.
Because sounding “taken” and “protected” is safer than sounding like a woman by herself.
Men cannot even begin to understand the calculations women make every day just to get home alive.

[Archduke Franz Ferdinand @FormerArchduke2]

EVERYBODY TURN ON FOX NEWS HE’S FUCKING CRYING OVER ZOHRAN WINNING LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO

[Republican Animatronics Service @LiberalHegemony]

I thought all these illegals were gang members on welfare. Seems like you voted for a war on the working class.

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

It took several days to count every ballot in 2020, and it’s very likely we won’t know the outcome tonight either. So please keep a few things in mind as you make your voice heard today:

– Thousands of election workers around the country are working hard today. Respect them. Thank them. 

– Don’t share things before checking your sources. 

– Let the process run its course. It takes time to count every ballot.