Towel Headed Sand Monkey

5.3, washed, realist

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Pat Mcafee at the Players Championship will certainly be a better show than anything Rory’s performative ass can dream about. I wonder who will get there first Pat and crew to setup or Rory to avoid the tournament the week before. #stillsoreaboutUSOpen #soft

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Best places to find your wife:
- a protest
- WNBA game
- any private liberal arts school in a liberal town
- a convention based around a show less than 1% of people have seen, costumes, or other obsessions
- a riot (protest is escalating, great time to buy)
- a dating app

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

The Phils in the dogs days of August just hooking me back in like a drug addict. #walkoff #nuke

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

NIL but for all the data and information companies and the government swipe from us. #startup #ai #thoughtsmerrick

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Post grad summer literally comes down to keeping the gun out of your mouth, that’s it. #par

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Some account rebranding going on, HR gonna love this one. #resume

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

@reterrarker Might be a bad sample size but need to see better from md.

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Can’t understate how shit this place is, haven’t seen the sun in days, rains every 3 hours, and the golf is soggy, slow, and disappointing. And there’s zero cell service, terrible week for the white boy. #bogey

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Update: the sun is out for the first time in 4 days. #birdie

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

10 minute tee times are fine until there’s 3 groups on the same hole and we’ve played through another group. #hacks

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Deep creek lake in August might be the worst place on the entire planet for bass fishing. The weather blows cock and there are more boats than guys Bonnie blue has fucked in her lifetime. You couldn’t pay me to come back. That goes for all of Maryland too. #shitstate

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

I don’t care about your aperol spritz but thanks for contributing to the matrix. #stop #dcl

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

So disappointed that the Rocket Mortgage is leaving Detroit Golf Club. God forbid we get a sweet Ross design and great host city ever again. #why #flu

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Oh wow, what a turn of events. It’s all about winning championships. #boom

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Cleveland is the only place for LeBron to manifest “legacy” glaze despite a sixers team that I watch twice a year that could win a championship with the right players. All told championships clearly don’t matter as much as attention in this nba. #real

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Rory the most performative one out there, club throws, whining everyday, performative ah divorce too. Might be the worst person to represent tour values especially when he doesn’t play enough events. #soft #stillsoreaboutUSOpen

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Flexing your SSRI prescription on dating apps needs to stop, you aren’t meant to live your entire life with that. #why

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

15 runs in the 9th inning in the last three games, the fightins are getting some mojo back. #phils

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Oh you just decided to do a shopping haul, ok. You must have also decided to add a bible verse in your bio, post mini vlogs, and repost affirmations on your story after getting with your ex for the 4th time this year. #shabang

[Towel Headed Sand Monkey @sandmonkey3832]

Holy fuck another SCHWARBOMB. #metskiller #reedthisshitsgood