Sanford and Son Quotes

2nd Hand Antiques
We Buy & Sell Junk (Fan Account)

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Swanny: I can only tell you that in cases where vehicle 1 is struck from behind by vehicle 2, the occupant of vehicle 1 is in the legal optimal position to obtain monetary compensation from the occupant of vehicle 2.
Smitty: Brother, you're sittin' on top of a gold mine!!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Swanny: Right in!
Smitty: On!
Swanny: On!
#riphalwilliams

[Sanford&Son And The Jeffersons Fan Page @SonAndPop]

#RipHalWilliams
Halroy Candis Williams (December 14, 1934 – July 15, 2026)
Veteran actor Hal Williams, Officer “Smitty” Smith on #SanfordAndSon has passed away. The Walton’s, #TheJeffersons #GoodTimes, What’s Happening, Private Benjamin, 227, Matlock and much more. He was 91🌹

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Gus: OK, suppose you were attacked by two dope fiends. And they both have 12" knives. And it's about 2 in the morning, and you're in a dead-end alley. All right, what would you do?
Grady: I'd have a heart attack and drop dead.

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Fred: Well, why don't you forget about business for a little while and get you a girl and take her out and have some fun?
Lamont: I don't think I have the strength, Pop.
Fred: You got a girl?
Lamont: Yeah.
Fred: Well, I got the strength. What's her number?

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Fred: What if Blind Mellow Jelly showed up and asked for his records back? Could he get 'em?
Mr. Archibald: But Blind Mellow Jelly is dead.
Fred: But his son ain't. [louder] His son ain't.
Bubba: I want my daddy's records!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Rollo: Hey, lemme go Pops!
Fred: Pops? I bet I'll pop you upside yo' crooked head!
Smitty: He's not a crook, Fred. I was with him when he bought the hubcaps and the CB.
Lamont: You said you trusted him.
Fred: Yes I did. And that was today's Bicentennial Minute.
#Happy4thofJuly

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Lamont: Hey, Pop! Look who's here. Pop!
Rollo: [yelling] I hear you're havin' trouble with your ears, Pops!
Fred: Too bad it's not with my eyes!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Waiter: Here you are gentlemen, a nice cold pitcher of sangria!
Julio: Ha ha, gracias, negro!
Fred: What'd you call him?
Julio: I call him "negro." It's a very common thing. It's a friendly way of talking to each other in Spanish.
Fred: He don't look like no Negro to me!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Olaiya: The way you talk to your father is deplorable! No, it . . . it is inexcusable! In my country such behavior is unheard of. You would be beaten!
Fred: I wish I had you in Nigeria–I'd knock you out!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Fred: Will you look at that! That's you when you were a baby. You were probably the ugliest baby I ever saw.
#HappyFathersDay

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Lamont: I introduced myself and he invited me in his house. He's a good cook.
Fred: You ate there??
Lamont: That's right. He gave me a dish of some stuff that was terrific, Pop! It's called mofongo.
Fred: Mofongo? If somebody gave me mofongo I'd sprinkle some foot power on it.

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Lamont: What would happen if Donna and I don't get along too tough? I mean, what if it got so bad that *I* had to split?
Fred: I'd miss you, son.

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Fred: See, there's somethin' on TV I really want to see tonight, son. It's a very sad episode of The Six Million Dollar Man.
Lamont: Aw, Pop.
Fred: But it is son! You see the Six Million Dollar Man becomes outdated, so they donate his vital organs to a used car lot in El Segundo.

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Lamont: Now, we not so hard up that we gotta take in boarders for a crummy $60.
Fred: That ain't no crummy $60. That's $60 steady! Did you make 60 bucks today?
Lamont: No.
Fred: Did you make 60 bucks yesterday?
Lamont: No.
Fred: Case closed.

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Esther: Ah-ha!!!
Fred: Where'd you come from??
Esther: Where you think I come from??!
Fred: Under a rock!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

[knock at door]
Fred: Who is it?
Esther: It's Esther!
Fred: Esther who??
Esther: You know Esther who! Open this door, fool!
Fred: I can't open the door!
Esther: Why not?
Fred: You too ugly!!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Old Man: Hi old-timer, what's happenin'?
Fred: What d'you mean old-timer? I'm havin' a fit, that's what's happenin'! Want me to fit this upside yo' nose?
Old Man: You like to try it?
Fred: Yeah I'll try it! Come on in!

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Fred: Listen Esther. Yo' family was stained when I met y'all!
Esther: Don't you talk about my family!
Fred: *I'll* talk about yo' family. Every time a baby was born it had that ugly stain on 'em. That's right! That ugly stain. Even Ajax couldn't do nothin' with a stain like that.

[Sanford and Son Quotes @sanfordquotes]

Lamont: Don't you realize that they're comin' here to take everything out of here???
Fred: Aw, they ain't gon' take it.
Lamont: I just read you the letter.
Fred: You never received the letter.
Lamont: What?
Fred: Put it back in the mailbox!