Zachary Santschi

Dad, husband, hospital IT, DJ.

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

I punched a bunch a holes in the walls at my church… and all I found was insulation and Bible verses written on the studs.

Weird.

#JoelOlsteen #church

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

No matter what Bank of America says…

I still think “Matchbox20RULZ!” is a solid password.

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

I like it when people go out of their way to park their car next to a car that’s the same car brand as their car.

It’s cute.

Like their cars are gonna be friends cause they have things in common.

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

I know the myth has been debunked…

But whenever I see someone wearing shades indoors… I can’t help but assume they have syphilis.

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Forgive me… for I have sinned.

I purposely googled and watched the sign language interpretation for Cardi B performing “WAP” at Lolapalooza.

#WAP #CardiB #Lollapalooza #SignLanguage #forgiveme

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

I think beef jerky is getting softer.

And I want to blame young people for that.

#beefjerky #youngpeople #genx #oldandangry #soft

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Are you telling me that my wife’s dolphin-shaped plastic shoelace aglet covers from https://t.co/5JK14an7iw are gonna be 3 weeks late cause some redneck parked a ship sideways in the Suez Canal like so many big trucks at a Walmart parking lot? #suezcanel #badparking #inconvenient

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Driving to work during spring break is a lot nicer without the traffic from schools.

Makes me kinda look forward to when the COVID vaccination makes people sterile and school traffic is permanently less. #joke #GetVaccinated

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Angry Piers Morgan is this year’s Tickle Me Elmo. #piersmorgan #angry #adorable

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Tom Brady is the guy who steals your girl the day after Christmas... and then dumps her the day before Valentine’s Day. #TomBrady #TampaBay #GreenBay #BuccaneersvsPackers #NFL #NFLPlayoffs

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Bye! Don’t let the door hit ya where you paid a porn star to touch ya!

#TrumpsLastDay #ByeDon #Trump

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Every time I’m reminded that Trump will not be attending the inauguration... I think about how, in Game of Thrones, Cersei didn’t attend her trial at the sept. #Trump #InaugurationDay #GameOfThrones

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

“You’re very special. Now go home.” #Trump #TrumpCult #gohome

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

I upgraded to 5G and my van blew up.

#ConspiracyTheories #5G

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

I heard if you get the COVID vaccine... you’ll receive a Christmas gift basket from Bill Gates. Even if you travel or move... the gift basket will get to you. #CovidVaccine #ConspiracyTheories #Christmas

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

...
That’s just one of hundreds of memories I’ve been thinking about this week.

I’ll never forget that. The feeling that Americans would never put up with that kind of man... much less reward him with the presidency.
#Trump #CharacterMatters

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

5 years ago, during an early presidential primary debate... my daughter asked “Dad... did he just talk about his...?!”

I had to explain to my 18 year old daughter... that Donald Trump did just allude to his penis during a nationally televised debate.

#Trump #CharacterMatters

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Just don’t burn all the Trump paraphernalia all at once, or we will darken the skies like “The Matrix”.

#Trump2020 #BidenHarris2020 #Biden2020 #ByeByeTrump

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Imagine hating facts and science so much... that you protest... counting.

#ElectionResults2020 #Election2020

[Zachary Santschi @santschi]

Me... on Google, after watching this week’s episode of “The Boys”...

Search Results...

Even though coconut isn't a nut, some people who are allergic to tree nuts (like almonds, cashews, and walnuts) are also allergic to coconut.

#TheBoys #AlmondJoy #TheMoreYouKnow