sarahkwhat

“which tweet is funnier: 1...or 2?”
👓

[BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed]

Julien's Auctions is holding a huuuge Betty White auction Sept. 23–25 in Beverly Hills.

We're talking everything from her dining room table to her 2000 Cadillac Seville.

(You can actually check everything out in Beverly Hills during the three-day event.)

[Former U.S. Representative Kaialiʻi Kahele @RepKahele]

It has taken 233 years for the U.S. Congress to be fully represented by this country’s indigenous peoples.

Tonight, a Native American, a Native Alaskan & a Native Hawaiian are sitting members of the people’s House.

Welcome U.S. Representative Peltola to the 117th Congress! 🤙🏽

[Joshin and Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

when I see that September starts this week:

[Emily Fridenmaker @emily_fri]

Just your friendly reminder that staying late is not a virtue. ☺️

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

@jkaurb Thank you!!! 🥰

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

I just had to send an email saying "sorry I missed your call about my insurance claim, I was in labor"

like what kind of short-term disability/crappy FMLA bullshit is that

Don't forget to talk to your insurance company while in the middle of major medical events kids 🙄

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

But like...okay yeah I get to snuggle her forever now so 💕🥰💕 #butUShealthcareandemploymentisajoke

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

I couldn't talk during contractions and even sobbed at some point when my epidural was only one-sided while I dilated from 4 to 10cm in an hour but lemme take this call real quick so I can afford to miss work 😘

[Laurenn @laurenncarterr]

@realQrampage Studies say flip floppy dog ears will help increase the production of oxytocin

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

Partner: you need to be friendlier in emails

Me: ok

Me: *to client* that’s fraud 😊

[Daniel Gould, MD, PhD @DJGould94]

People be like: "instead of complaining, just do the thing you're complaining about"

I complain *while* I'm doing it. It's called multitasking.

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

The comments alone make me depressed about my entire profession. I will never understand why people don't want to see clearly. No wonder driving is so scary these days...

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

founder of costco: [drunk as hell] it’s gonna have hot dogs and optometrists

[Mappers @CarolMaps]

A story about crisps in 4 parts

[Leona Lee @FleurDeLeeArt]

@JulieTheCranky

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

I know maternity leave isn't vacation but I'm working only half days this week and then using PTO until this baby is born and I'm SO EXCITED

I have had 3 days off since the beginning of the year and 2 of them were federal holidays. Bonding time is unpaid so 🙄🙄🙄🤷🏼‍♀️

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

Picture of me tonight walking laps inside Target at 38 weeks pregnant and buying an exercise ball to try and get my baby to drop

[sarahkwhat @sarahkwhat]

Felt like I was about to give birth today trying to recertify my CPR on those awful manikins

Okay not really but I did get heart burn from giving chest compressions 🥲