sarah elizabeth

Wife. Mama. Secretary.

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

I wanna be skinny so bad, but I just discovered that these bike shorts that have been shoved in the back of my bottom drawer for two years make AMAZING shapewear, and now, I think I'm wrecked for life. 😅🐖 #FakingIt

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Watching your kiddo learn to read has got to be the coolest, craziest thing. 🥹

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Y'all ever just look at your kiddo and almost start crying because this little human is just so freaking beautiful? 🥹💜 #ProudMama

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

@Vanaboo8 I become an absolute psycho when there are too many noises. 😫🙉😅

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Okay, I can't be the only one who gets emotional watching fireworks...right? 😂😭🇺🇸

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Imagine not liking me, and I'm just sitting here getting drunk on blue Hawaiians after watching Austin Butler absolutely KILL IT in #TheBikeriders. 🥰 #VandalsChicago

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

When your brain finally realizes those Twisted Teas had more thqn just tea in them...🙃🤣

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

When you're trying on your new clothes and feeling cute...and then, your five-year-old leans against your belly and says, "It looks like you have a baby!!"

🫠

On a completely unrelated note, would anyone be interested in adopting a five-year-old? 🙃😅

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Everybody's all excited about the eclipse...and then, there's me, who just keeps picturing the description of the eclipse in #GeraldsGame, by Stephen King, and getting grossed out. 😬 #ItsHisSpunk 🙈😂

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Captain Crab in Lufkin has the absolute BEST blue Hawaiian I've ever tasted. 😍

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

That moment when your four-year-old busts out a cuss word at a minor inconvenience...and you can't even be mad, because you know exactly where she got it from. 😳🤦🏼‍♀️ #ItsMe #Hi #ImTheProblem #ItsMe

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Grown freaking men gatekeeping football is absolutely pathetic. Yes, I and thousands of other women actually enjoyed the Super Bowl, and it had zilch to do with Taylor Swift. Maybe a very slight bit to do with Usher...but still.

Girls can enjoy football, too, and it's okay. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Pray for the mamas who were stuck in the house with a stir-crazy kid and three dogs all day. We are not okay. 🥴

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

If you are the imbecile who bought every single store in town and the neighboring town out of marshmallow fluff earlier this week, I hope you choke on whatever you're making with it.

Also, I have questions. Because seriously...what ARE you making with that much freaking fluff?

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

Some women cook for Thanksgiving and smile like June Cleaver the whole time without a care in the world...and then, there's me, who very quickly gets overstressed and turns into freaking Mommy Dearest. 🙈😅

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

My husband is watching one of those stupid #GoldRush shows where the guys can't go six seconds without cussing, so all I'm hearing is bleepbleepbleep, and his life is flashing before my eyes, and someone please remind me that I would not do well in prison. 🙃🔪

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

When a song that came out when you were in high school is now playing on the oldies country station. 🫠

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

New drinking game idea: watch #StreetOutlaws and take a drink every time a cuss word gets bleeped out. 🍻

Lol, do not do this. You will die. 😅

Reallyyyyy wish my husband had better taste in TV shows. 🫠

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

To whoever had even the SLiGHTEST hand in creating #Covid and letting it out of that lab, may the rest of your life be akin to repeatedly stepping on a Lego before you are cast into Hell for all of eternity. 🤧🤒

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

@Vanaboo8 Because you know how twisted my sense of humor is. 🙃😅

[sarah elizabeth @sarahnaron314]

*Conversation between two patients who haven't seen each other in a long time*

PT 1: How's Johnny doing?

PT 2: (as absolutely upbeat as can be) He died. So, he's doing good.

Me: *about to bust from trying not to laugh*

🙊🙊🙊