Kristen Ali Johnson

Is everyone else also tired all the time?

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

@ChristineFav I did not know that, and I honestly have no idea how to feel about it, but I appreciate the new knowledge 🤣

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Look, I really don't see things as bad omens most of the time, but a crow just flew up to me, looked directly into my eyes, shit on my balcony, and flew away. So...

[Robert O'Shaughnessy @rposhaughnessy]

I’ve graduated and I don’t think there’s a better photo to sum up all of my wisdom than this one. Thanks @sarcasm_queen97
#RaiseBye #GWCommencement

[Today, Explained @today_explained]

It’s official: Pres. Trump declared a national emergency to build his border wall. In today’s episode, we break it down for you — IN SONG: #TodayExplained

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

More like "Thoreau" #SOTU https://t.co/DcJlULlNqL

[Bernie Thoughts @berniethoughts]

ADDING JACKALOPES TO THE LONG LIST OF THINGS THAT WERE REAL UNTIL SOMEONE DECIDED TO TELL ME OTHERWISE

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Thanks GW, for graciously granting me the opportunity to die in the pursuit of academic advancement by BEING TAKEN OUT BY A GODDAMN SIDEWALK

[Robert O'Shaughnessy @rposhaughnessy]

Every school in Washington is closed tomorrow, but #GWU is open. @GWPeterK, is there any hope for a change of heart?

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

"Freely we serve because freely we love, as in our will. To love or not; in this we stand or fall."

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

"The real world is only for people who can't imagine anything better."

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Judging people who are taking the elevator to a lower floor than I am.

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Quiz my ass. Forty questions is not a quiz.

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

To be productive, or not to be, that is the question. And the answer is a resounding nope.

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

You know you're legally an adult when you have to sign something that contains the words " Involves substantial risk of death."

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Ahh, nothing like getting ready for bed while hearing the sound of violent vomiting from next door... #collegelife

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Officially moving in tomorrow

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Getting everything I packed for college into the car was a real life game of Tetris.

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Sex Education (HBO) https://t.co/2Q6vPwcyYT via @YouTube
This is important

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

@TyMalave It's pretty intense

[Kristen Ali Johnson @sarcasm_queen97]

Packing for college makes me feel unbelievably excited with a dash of absolutely F***ing terrified.