sassssss

the thot that counts

[sassssss @sassepie]

starting to call it “cali” and “san fran” ironically to get ahead of the curve for when it becomes cool to say again

[sassssss @sassepie]

@Valtoid no ER for him. however, he did enlist me to scrub the blood from the floors after turning our kitchen into an ER

[sassssss @sassepie]

my dad cut off the tip of his finger this morning but he’s a surgeon so he was very chill about it. after digging thru the trash to retrieve the piece of finger, he simply super glued it back on

[sassssss @sassepie]

if u were stuck in the car during a blizzard for 7 hours, where would u pee? like and i’ll tell u where i did it

[sassssss @sassepie]

i’m available in the way that strip mall parking lots are available for drug deals and doing donuts in a honda civic

[sassssss @sassepie]

reminder: you are worthyYyYYy ✨

[sassssss @sassepie]

best moment of the day involved soup. coincidence ????? i think not

[sassssss @sassepie]

naming my kid learned hand after learned hand

[sassssss @sassepie]

ethical sexiness? it’s less likely than you think

[sassssss @sassepie]

im learning a lot of things in law school. for example, it’s illegal for you to not text me back

[sassssss @sassepie]

@machiavellie_ HAHA OMG good luck

[sassssss @sassepie]

everyone is so embarrassing. especially me

[sassssss @sassepie]

i want a lady in the streets and a lady in the sheets to have and to hold in sickness and in health till death do us part, i do

[sassssss @sassepie]

The thing I wanna know about my future spouse is a) do they have swag? and 2) do they use that swag for good or for evil?

[sassssss @sassepie]

@nicolesuhlay quit ur job and just vibe

[sassssss @sassepie]

All my friends w real jobs r like deck this deck that. The only deck I wanna hear about is a rooftop deck w a DJ and bottomless margs

[sassssss @sassepie]

@Valtoid Never!! Come join 🥳

[sassssss @sassepie]

@hannahjmatheson too soon 🤶

[sassssss @sassepie]

What’s life for if not milking oats

[sassssss @sassepie]

@noahpiou indecision is the thief of opportunity 😮‍💨🏖🌁🌅🌴☀️